Monday, April 22, 2013
THis seems strange to post after my size 10 celebration, but I feel real fat today. Not just physically looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person, but mentally I feel fat. I feel stuck and defeated. I feel like a victim of my own doing with no way of escape. I feel like I don;t have the strength to deal with these negative emotions but I do know how to make them go away.
The way of escape leads to a vicious cycle of eating, guilt, shame, and eating. I no longer find that as an acceptable way of living. I need new coping skills. In this moment I realize how little of those skills I have. I want to fall back on my old stand by- that's what has worked before. I am at the end, I need options....