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I Look...Beautiful!

Monday, April 22, 2013

I don't think I'm personally very photogenic. I know we all have those flaws we like to hide - mine is my rather toothy grin (where did all those teeth come from?!) and, of course, the weight.

From about 2008 up until about now, I didn't like full body shots. Full body shots showed the increasing tummy pooch, the flabby arms, the fuller face - all the things that reminded me that my weight was out of control. I never liked how I looked in clothes; I didn't feel sexy or beautiful. While I was "OKAY" with my body, I wasn't "OKAY" in the sense that I felt awesome. I felt like a blob.

Which is why most of my photos up to that point were headshots. I think my face is approximately round (more or less) naturally, so as long as the angle was okay, my face would look more or less okay. And while I may not have been OK with the neck below, I was happy (mostly) with my face.

Yesterday, my dad, my sister, and I went to a photographer to take pictures for a Mother's Day gift for my mom. The photographer was really great, looking to get my best angle, keeping us upbeat and in good spirits.

But I was stunned when he took a couple of shots of just me. I looked at the display on his camera - and I could have cried.

I looked beautiful!

My hair looked beautiful, my face (and I didn't have all that much makeup on either!), my body - everything was so pretty. It almost didn't look like me sitting in the photos - it most certainly wasn't the Me that felt flabby and bloblike who was only OK with herself.

For a few moments, I just stared in awe, gasping at it. At first the photographer thought I hated it, but then I said, "Oh, no, no, not at all - I look so pretty!"

I'm not at my goal weight yet - I have about 45 - 50 pounds to go. But for the first time in a LONG time, I feel beautiful. I don't think I even felt beautiful the last time I was this weight. I would have said I had a goofy smile, weird hair, and funky body shape. But this time, I feel beautiful. I feel amazing.

Choosing to live a healthy lifestyle has been fantastic for me. I've lost weight (believe it or not, 73 pounds!!), I sleep better, I'm more active. But I've also re-learned to love myself for who and what *I* am. No, these photos (I'll see if I can post copies when I get them) don't make me look like Gisele Budchen or Angelina Jolie or Kate Winslet., but I don't want them to.

I love looking like me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are! emoticon emoticon
    1763 days ago
    What a great experience!
    I saw a Dove video on the internet recently where an artist draws women the way they see themselves, and then the way other people see them - they were all blown away by how other people saw them - beautiful!
    1764 days ago
    You ARE beautiful, Carolyn. Inside and out :) Happy to hear that you believe it, too. emoticon emoticon
    1764 days ago
    Wonderful blog! You have finally noticed what we already know... You are beautiful! Have a good week. And we all will be looking forward to seeing those pictures!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1764 days ago
    I know exactly how you feel. This morning I stood in front of a full length mirror in my underwear and was HAPPY with the reflection staring back at me. Crazy, right?!
    1764 days ago
    So glad you got those pictures taken - otherwise you would still be thinking the old way! Glad to hear you feel comfortable with who you are - you absolutely deserve it!

    1764 days ago
    Love it! So glad you see the real you--beautiful.
    1765 days ago
    This is a wonderful blog. Thanks for sharing with us!
    1765 days ago
  • DRKEYEZ820
    This was a beautiful blog. This one hit home for me. And believe it or not, one of my MAIN goals is to be able to have a family photo when I loose the weight. This blog made me cry, because this is exactly the way I feel about myself with pictures.
    You are beautiful! So glad your able to love u for u now!
    Keep on inspiring!
    1765 days ago
    I just had a moment like this too! You ARE beautiful!!! It's amazing sometimes how we can't see ourselves the way others see us. emoticon
    1765 days ago
    AWWW that to me is worth more than anything.. You are Beautiful and your deserve to feel Beautiful.

    You have worked hard and it is paying off in self confidence, self love, Self pride. You have been my emoticon for a short time but I can see your self LOVE growing all the time.. and that is what this healthy journey is about... You loving and accepting you ...

    I can't wait to see them if you can post them. I bet your new self love shines so bright.. YOUR MOM is going to love it. Trust as a MOM she will see it in your smile and the twinkle in your eye.

    SO PROUD !! keep it up Darlin.. your doing great things.
    1765 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/22/2013 5:44:00 PM
    I'M SO HAPPY you had that experience! There is no compliment quite as thrilling as the ones we can honestly give ourselves :-). Have a great day, Carolyn!
    1765 days ago
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