It's been a bumpy road the last few days. My previously newly-independent daughter got into an irreparable fight with her roommate, and the friends parted ways. This meant that she now has to move back into the household with myself and my father.
I had a hard enough time when she first moved away due to her being my one and only child who didn't venture out on her own until age 21. It took months for me to adjust to her not being around as much, but I eventually came to enjoy my "freedom" and control over my life again.
Control is a big thing for me. I'm not comfortable not being in control. It's icky and makes my tummy hurt.
It's an issue, and I am aware of it. Letting go little by little has worked for me in the past...but this matter kind of dumped on my lap and I need to have more time than usual to sort it all out.
The dynamics of a household with 3 generations of adults is a tricky one. There's my daughter, who is 21 and a pescatarian (no meat but fish/shellfish OK). She also has yet to get her driver's license so is fairly dependent for transportation. She was going to school to become a vet tech but quit. She also lost her job at the humane society due to the no-driver's-license issue. However, she has made the clean break and has plans in place to make her own changes.
Then there's my dad. He's 85 and we live in my childhood home. He's old and set in his ways, but I've gotten used to it and learned how to sidestep the small stuff. He has health issues and also cannot drive due to his eyesight, so there's some dependency on me from him as well.
Finally...there's me. In the middle. In between. In a state of perpetual flux.
Back in February, when my life was in a relative state of calm, I began preparing to take the first steps to change my life for good. I began my formal SP journey on March 1 and the rest is history.
I've been unfocused and slipping in more than one area that I care to admit to, and I need to take the proverbial 2 steps back and recalculate the next few weeks. I'm holding myself to my first small goal of getting under 300 by the 1st of May and have 9 days to accomplish that. After that...well, you'll just have to tune in next time, folks.