Commitment April 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
I have some thoughts to get out, not really entirely health or fitness related so my apologies, but you all are sort of complete strangers that also happen to be really supportive, so why not put some of my business on blast?
This weekend was so crazy that my brain can’t even process everything that happened. Maybe typing it out here will help…
Friday night my BF and I decided to stay home. The weather got really stormy really fast, so we did what a million other people in our area did that night and ordered sushi delivery. It ended up taking the guy almost two hours to bring it. While we were waiting, we played a game and my friend texted me to turn on the news and we watched the Boston PD win the biggest game of televised hide & seek ever. While all of that was going on, I was like “… I hear water. Inside.” Our leak from Superstorm Sandy came back with a vengeance Friday night. It at least doubled in size, and this was just some springtime storm – which we will probably be having more of in the near future. We ended up rigging a bunch of paper towels and bowls to catch the rain.
Which made Saturday morning even more ironically funny when our lease renewal notice showed up at our door. We’ve been talking about moving. Neither of us really want to go through the process and we know our options are extremely limited in our area. And we really don’t have time to go apartment shopping right now (more of that to come…) I think I am going to have to strap on my “Serious Business” hat and go to the leasing office and lay some smack down on the price. I’m not paying “luxury apartment rent” for a place with leaking windows and a non-operational fireplace.
ANYWAYS – Saturday my BF and I went to test drive some cars for me. I ended up unexpectedly finding one that I REALLY like and I am fairly certain I am going back tonight to purchase it. Eek! I started all of the paperwork on Saturday and then realized “Oh snap, I have a wedding to go to in about two hours and I need to get dressed” lol.
My old roommate’s wedding was really nice. I ended up squeezing myself into a size 8 dress I’ve had in my closet because the dress I originally wanted to wear didn’t fit at all. I kept a wrap on all night because I was embarrassed of my arms – their size and the fact that my first farmers tshirt burn is now an obvious tan line across my upper arms. I actually didn’t end up eating or drink much at all. My stomach hasn’t been right in a while. I am going to bring it up to my doc next week… it could be a thyroid side effect but it is just SO out of whack.
Yesterday my BF and I ran errands, and I did a bunch of car research/insurance updating/apartment research. As I was like neck deep in all of this, my 19 year old sister texts me a picture of her left hand with a ring on it saying “Guess what?!” to which I replied “Haha you’re kidding right?” and she said “No, I said YES!”
And then… it began.
I tell people my family is crazy and they don’t believe me. Well, here is a great example.
My mom is not only happy about this, she is overjoyed my sister is getting married at 19. She wanted me to make a facebook post publicly declaring my happiness for my sister. I’m not happy.
I know I’m over here judging, and you may have gotten married at 19 or even younger, but my sister is still VERY MUCH A CHILD.
She doesn’t have a job. She took one semester at community college and quit. Her now fiancée is 20 and he is in the Navy, but he doesn’t encourage her to go to school or get a job. I can’t respect a situation/relationship where they aren’t helping each other to grow. Not to mention – they still have A LOT of growing to do. My sister can barely drive a car, she sits around and does her nails and takes pictures of herself all day. And now… she wants to get married.
It gets better – she wants to do this in JUNE of THIS YEAR “for immediate family” and then “a bigger one later”… so I may even be going through this TWICE. Her fiancee’s crazy mother just went and got ordained to marry people, so this woman is like “we could do it any day!” I know what you may be thinking about the rush, and as far as I know she is NOT pregnant, my sister and I share some pretty strong views on reproduction and not wanting kids.
My sister lives in some fantasy world and wants to take us all with her. She thinks her fiancée will get stationed in Hawaii and she’ll live a life in paradise. I know she’s going to ask my mom to buy her dress/flowers/etc… and my parents can’t afford a dime of that.
Everyone says I need to be supportive and happy for her. Why am I struggling with it SO FREAKING MUCH? My parents got married when my mom was 20 – and it was a mistake. Watching their relationship growing up taught me to take care of myself first, build my own life, and then build relationships with other people after I had myself in line. It is the reason I didn’t want to get married until later in life. His mom is now on her like fourth marriage… so what did he learn too?
You grow and change SO MUCH in your late teens and early twenties, and I tried to tell my sister that. She will just need to make her own mistakes and I will just need to be ready to pick up the pieces. And who knows? Maybe this will be great. But my gut is telling me to protect her. She’s my sister after all. I know I have already told her how this makes me feel, and I know you can’t change people, I just want the best for her and it is hard to sit here and pretend I’m happy.
So I’m really struggling with that. I had a drink last night, couldn’t bring myself to eat dinner, and almost had a meltdown before Game of Thrones started.
I’m going to pick up my first real “I bought it myself” car tonight too. I guess you could say my anxiety is through the roof at the moment. It’s odd – I have weird stages of stress/anxiety:
Normal – Well, normal me. Kind of normal food habits, normal workouts. Maybe even heavier on the workouts and things like weight lifting.
Slightly Stressed – Tend to snack a bit more, tend to want to walk to clear my mind instead of things like weights.
Very Stressed – I want to eat everything in sight.
Extremely Stressed – Absolutely no hunger. I don’t want food. I don’t work out. I just stress. Totally a threshold I cross and lose all appetite. THIS IS WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for the long blog about my crazy life. Just call this “Commitment April 2013” – weddings, engagements, car buying, apartment leases. I might need to commit myself to a staycation or a dark room at the end of it but life certainly has a way of keeping things interesting.
Ps – days like today remind me that I made an excellent choice coming to work for this company. The Senior Leadership were downstairs this morning handing out apples to everyone for Earth Day. It really is one of the best companies to work for in the area! I am much happier here.