Monday, April 22, 2013
Happy spring everyone. It has been a while since I posted.
I got all of my blood work results back - I don't have lyme disease. My iron is at 20 and it should be 40 or above? Also I have low Vit D. I have been taking iron and Vit D for the past 2 weeks. The Dr told me the Vit D would give me more energy in a few weeks. I don't know if I have more energy, but I do feel happier. Even in the mornings when I wake up, it is easier to get out of bed. Now I even smile in the morning instead of being grumpy! I just need to KEEP taking the supplements! That is the toughest part for me!
I still watch what I eat. I try to walk and get in extra exercise when I can. Tax season is over, and I have more free time on the weeknights and weekends. I ran a 5K 2 weeks ago & I have another one this Saturday. I went to a 1 mile benefit walk this past weekend. However... something is missing. I don't have the urge to come on Spark people too often anymore. I do love reading the progress of other people. I miss the challenges - for some reason, I have really been slacking on posting on them - sorry teams. Even though I am not losing weight, I am not gaining weight either.
Even though I can fit into size Large and some Medium shirts now, I still hate my body. Since I lost so much weight, the body I have under my clothes is not attractive to me at all. Everyone says I look great -but they don't see the stretch marks and extra skin. I really should go to the gym and work out differently to maybe try to change my body. But I don't have the extra money to spend for a gym membership. Plus, I don't have the motivation to make myself work out that much. It is frustrating - I have come in so far and changed so much in my life.
I am happy in most of my life now - which is a change from the past years. I wasn't miserable before (except with how much I weighed). But now I feel more like myself. Somehow I have changed so much for the better and I love it. However, somehow I have been stuck. I can't push myself harder right now to lose more weight. I am so close to my goal, but I just can't force myself to get there. Maybe I am happy so I am distracted? I am not eating too bad though. I still make great, healthy choices when I am eating most of the time. I do have french fries sometimes, but I limit how often I have them. I want to start Zumba again next week since I won't be working when they have class! I just don't know how to push myself harder. Part of me doesn't want to push harder because I might give up altogether. I am happy on the path I am on until I look at body in the mirror. I wish I knew what to do!
I could starve myself for a week and get to 155- but how is that worth it to myself? I would just gain the weight back the next week and that wouldn't be right. I don't want to cheat the system just to say I reached my goal weight for a day!
Oh well! I need to sit down and make some time for myself. Maybe sitting down and thinking out some different goals will change my outlook again on my weight loss.
Hopefully everyone has a great week! Keep pushing towards all of your goals. I am still trying to reach my goals, it is just tough for me to reach my weight loss goal right now!