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I have more free time but my Sparkpeople motivation is missing!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Happy spring everyone. It has been a while since I posted.

I got all of my blood work results back - I don't have lyme disease. My iron is at 20 and it should be 40 or above? Also I have low Vit D. I have been taking iron and Vit D for the past 2 weeks. The Dr told me the Vit D would give me more energy in a few weeks. I don't know if I have more energy, but I do feel happier. Even in the mornings when I wake up, it is easier to get out of bed. Now I even smile in the morning instead of being grumpy! I just need to KEEP taking the supplements! That is the toughest part for me!

I still watch what I eat. I try to walk and get in extra exercise when I can. Tax season is over, and I have more free time on the weeknights and weekends. I ran a 5K 2 weeks ago & I have another one this Saturday. I went to a 1 mile benefit walk this past weekend. However... something is missing. I don't have the urge to come on Spark people too often anymore. I do love reading the progress of other people. I miss the challenges - for some reason, I have really been slacking on posting on them - sorry teams. Even though I am not losing weight, I am not gaining weight either.

Even though I can fit into size Large and some Medium shirts now, I still hate my body. Since I lost so much weight, the body I have under my clothes is not attractive to me at all. Everyone says I look great -but they don't see the stretch marks and extra skin. I really should go to the gym and work out differently to maybe try to change my body. But I don't have the extra money to spend for a gym membership. Plus, I don't have the motivation to make myself work out that much. It is frustrating - I have come in so far and changed so much in my life.

I am happy in most of my life now - which is a change from the past years. I wasn't miserable before (except with how much I weighed). But now I feel more like myself. Somehow I have changed so much for the better and I love it. However, somehow I have been stuck. I can't push myself harder right now to lose more weight. I am so close to my goal, but I just can't force myself to get there. Maybe I am happy so I am distracted? I am not eating too bad though. I still make great, healthy choices when I am eating most of the time. I do have french fries sometimes, but I limit how often I have them. I want to start Zumba again next week since I won't be working when they have class! I just don't know how to push myself harder. Part of me doesn't want to push harder because I might give up altogether. I am happy on the path I am on until I look at body in the mirror. I wish I knew what to do!

I could starve myself for a week and get to 155- but how is that worth it to myself? I would just gain the weight back the next week and that wouldn't be right. I don't want to cheat the system just to say I reached my goal weight for a day!

Oh well! I need to sit down and make some time for myself. Maybe sitting down and thinking out some different goals will change my outlook again on my weight loss.

Hopefully everyone has a great week! Keep pushing towards all of your goals. I am still trying to reach my goals, it is just tough for me to reach my weight loss goal right now!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HHB4181
    Hey, not gaining is important too, don't forget that! Sorry your motivation is lacking. I've been a pound or 2 away from my goal for a while now, just can't seem to get there. Sometimes, I think I'm scared, because once I get to my goal, now what?

    For a while I was scared that I would gain the weight back, but I eat so well now that when I do eat crappy I get really sick, so I'm over that.

    I stopped strength training in August and still haven't started back up.... I will if you will, lol


    1768 days ago
  • LYNSEY723
    Staying motivated is sooo hard. I am in a similar place as you. My workouts are suffering. Maybe you need to find a ST video to do at home? That will help change your body! I know you are strong willed and you will get your drive back! Just keep pushing!
    1768 days ago
    One step at a time is good.
    1768 days ago
    We are spirits living in shells...the shells will fall away. We just need to take care of these isn't worth the time to hate them....just keep sparkin'!!!
    1768 days ago
    It sounds like you are not feeling your best don't give up. Keep logging your food and working out as much as you can.. Make note of when you don't feel your best. I found I'm dairy and gluten intolerant and think it would have been the last thing they would have checked if it hadn't been for my spark logs. Be kind to yourself and the changes you have made to your body. You are young give you skin some time to adjust to the changes. Enjoy where you are at and how far you have come. Just don't give up and go back. emoticon
    1768 days ago
    Kim, you have some great things going for you. You're weight is stabalized, you're still running, you acknowledge how your life has improved, and you talk about feeling happier. emoticon
    I truly believe you need to consider being content with where you are currently and not stress about those last few pounds. Fighting with those few pounds can very likely be what breaks you and sees you loosing the control you have now. It's from some of my personal experiences that I can say this. I've often been after a number and lost sight of all the good I had gained and let that number haunt me to the point of failure and undoing all the good with a gain and then some. This time around I am determined not to let this happen. When I reach that "goal" this time it's not the final goal Ihave in mind but it's an attainable one I will be okay with stabalizing. If I loose more after that over time great, if not I will be happy with all the non scale victories I've experienced and the number I arrive at.
    Kim, you can sort this out. You're being wise considering taking some time to reflect. You'll make the right choices for you.
    1769 days ago
    "Motivation" seems to ebb and flow for most of us. You're doing fine...eating well, following dr's orders, doing exercise when you can. The rest will come as you feel better and ready to move forward again. Give yourself some time to adjust to where you are. Maybe it is a good time to learn a bit about maintenance before you shoot ahead again. Regardless, treat yourself kindly and well and it fill fall into place! Hugs!!
    1769 days ago
    Your not alone in that department. Hating your body will only back fire, when I see my stretch marks I remind myself that I would rather have those than not because they would be full of fat again. Please try a little kindness toward yourself, you have come a LONG way!!!! emoticon emoticon
    1769 days ago
    Motivation is a myth. Figure out the results you want and the concrete actions needed to achieve them and then JUST DO IT! emoticon
    1769 days ago
    Kim - that happens to everyone - toning that 's all - I am doing the same - You look great to me , your doing awesome -Keep up the good work emoticon
    1769 days ago
    I don't have any answers or solutions for you, unfortunately. It is pretty common for people to become complacent with their weight-loss when they get close to goal, though. A little thought worms in that "Well, I've already done so much... this last little bit doesn't really seem worth the extra work right now." I'm not saying that is exactly the idea you have now, just that it's something I've seen a lot of people deal with.

    Perhaps you should stop trying to lose right now, and focus on maintenance for a few weeks? Maybe explore the fitness DVDs at the library or online, to see if you can shake up your routine without an expensive gym membership? Your workout might just be getting a bit stale, which then becomes kind of boring...

    Also - if you ever find a miracle cure for the loose skin, please let me know! I hate it as well, and I'm nowhere near my final goal. The way I look in clothes is nothing like how I look when I'm naked, just due to the stupid loose skin. It supposedly tightens up naturally if you drink lots of water, but it takes a long time.
    1769 days ago
    1769 days ago
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