Monday, April 22, 2013
I've been feeling very confused. I love almost everything here in Seattle - but, there's a lot of grey days for most of the year, and it has affected me seriously with seasonal affective disorder.
I have used the bright lights and a few other tricks, and have gotten better, but still don't feel 100%. After going to the mountains and being in bright sun all day, I realized the lights do not cure the SAD, it seems to only stave off the action of it for a while. Even my weight loss stalls and can reverse when it hits hard.
The cost of living here is very high, which is a secondary negative, but I could get over that if everything else lined up. I'd rather not move again and to a place where I don't know anyone again. At the same time, this is a health issue. I go from being the Energizer Bunny to just wanting to go back to bed. I don't even feel like running after a while, so you know it is serious when I say that.
I don't want to discount it's been a stressful year for me, in many ways, ending with my father passing away. However, I notice a big difference with the weather. When there's been a lot of grey I tend to focus on those negative events more. When we've had some sun, I feel like I can think, have energy and move forward with my life.
I guess I'm considering Denver again, though I don't know that I want to deal with the weather extremes. I used to live in Northern California, that was nice but I feel like if I thought it was that great, I wouldn't have moved away, though I was at a different point in my life back then, too.
So, I'm not sure what to do. Tomorrow, I am going to accompany my Mom driving back to the Midwest, then maybe I'll take a vacation to somewhere sunny. I've not had a vacation in a long, long time. Then, on the way back to Seattle, I'm going to take an extended road trip and visit several cities. Maybe I will find one I didn't think about before.
The summers here are sunny and gorgeous, so I have some time even after I get back to decide. However, the danger is that I will love it so much during that time that I will discount the SAD and decide to try to stick it out and stay, and become unhappy, unmotivated and start gaining weight again.
So, I don't know what to do... Have you dealt successfully with SAD, or had to move? What would you do??