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    MEDDYPEDDY   146,778
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Fat and ugly...


Monday, April 22, 2013

...not really - I just got into a rebelling state after reading a blog about nicknames - there is a moral code that you are not supposed to whine or think negative, you should always express hope and faith...

I read Barbara Ehrenreich:
Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World

..and as I have had a breast cancer I remember the judgemental posts about how one had to be hopeful and positive - if I was negative or whining I would stand a much higher risk of having a relapse...

I have noticed that as a european I am not as cheerful by culture as americans seem to be. As a person I am kind of optimistic, I have more happy days than sad and the more I live, the more content I become. I still go into the dark pits, my weight is a constant fear and shame, hard to deal with, but most other things are interesting and joyful...

And I do react to the moral in "positive". I have stubbornly told psychologist people that I have met in crisis that I donīt mind feeling bad when life IS bad - I would be an idiot if I went around laughing when circumstances are awful...

And I am searching my bible to find one of my favourites, I had to google a lot to find the right english name - interesting, the book that in swedish is called "Predikaren" ("the preacher) is called the ecclesiastical in english...anyway I love the part that says that there is a season for everything and:

"a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,"

and combined with today's recovery meditation:
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and there will
never be a time when it is not now.

Gerald Jampolsky

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

it is telling me that I am allowed to live with the whole spectra of feelings and there is really no moral to it, just a question of awareness.

I am falling behind at work, makes my stress level rise and shame occur - I am not falling behind because I have too much to do but because I postpone things...see if I can put that right today!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FUNGIRL81005 4/23/2013 4:11PM

    Thank you for sharing...Nice to know that we don't have to "skip" everyday in our lives.....

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 4/22/2013 11:04PM

    I really like Barbara Ehrenreich. I have read that book and all of her others as well. She's such a good thinker and writer.

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 4/22/2013 10:59PM

    A lot of Christians 'cherry pick' the Bible, and insist that if you "Are in The Lord" that you have nothing to be sad about, and you should "be happy". Apparently they haven't read that verse.
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It is nice that The Lord allows us to have our full range of emotions, and still be 'in HIS favor'.
emoticon

I'm glad you wrote about this.

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HAWTGRANNY2014 4/22/2013 2:38PM

    Americans like me have to be positive. I had 2 kinds of cancer at the same time and if I let myself slip into the negative...I probably would not be alive. I had 6 surgeries , 2 cancers and an infection that made a hole in my stomach the doctor said he could put his head in. That all happened in 2 years. I have been cancer free now for almost a year. that kind of thing makes you positive and full of hope. Why dwell on the negative when it makes you depressed...sure you can sit around and mope and whine but what good does it do. Not to say that I am Pollyanna and see everything as a positive learning experience but life does happen and it gets in the darkness at times but making it worse by dwelling on it is not going to make it feel better.
Sure if you feel overwhelmed it is all right to have a good cry but then look at it as over and go on from there...if that is what you mean then I agree with you. Just don't let the negative take over and weight you down. there is always hope..

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HOUNDLOVER1 4/22/2013 12:59PM

    I think you point out some good points. As a European by birth I agree that Americans can be superficially positive when there is not much to base this on at times. That is essentially denial.
But I do find it legitimate to see the glass half full rather than half empty. It is not about denying that the glass is half empty, it is deciding to put one's energy and brain power and emotions towards those things that deserve our attention and that we can change. That can at times be negative feelings when we are grieving, as long as this will ultimately lead us to a life-giving resolution. Shame is false guilt because it is based on incorrect thinking. We feel bad because of something we can not control very well, for instance our weight, rather than feeling positive about what we can control, how much time we spend exercising, what food we eat etc.
Real guilt is about things that we can change and control, like how we treat other people and ourselves.
As a European I was conditioned to spend more than half my time analyzing what all is wrong (with me, the world around me) and wherever our mind is that is where our heart is going to be as well.
I assume from your quote of ecclesiastes (preacher) that you are a Christian. I find that for me as a Christian my focus needs to be where God has it: on loving people, including me. It is not because I deserve happiness (that one I will leave up to the theologians to decide), but because God has chosen to love me more than anyone else, so how could I do differently. Focusing on the positive and helping it grow is one of the more loving things to do and has been proven to work much better as a motivator for change. One good example is the tremendous power of positive reinforcement methods in raising children compared to punishment-based methods. We all want to be affirmed and encouraged. emoticon

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AJDOVER1 4/22/2013 12:21PM

    I'm so glad you wrote this!

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PHATPAT18 4/22/2013 11:27AM

    Thank you for sharing.

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JOYINKY 4/22/2013 9:52AM

    Well put, we have been given a full range of emotions for a reason; none of them calling for judgement. Getting stuck in any point of the spectrum becomes problematic; otherwise it's just life! emoticon

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DEBRA0818 4/22/2013 6:31AM

    A famous quotation by Terence is sometimes translated: "Nothing that is human is foreign to me." I feel a great relief that I can admit a full range of emotions, moods and thoughts without fear and without judgment. When I was eating myself to death last month, I was trying to hide from a lot of fear, self-pity and resentment. I can see that a great key to the relief from this compulsion lies in being as honest with myself as I possibly can, to ask God to relieve me of my defects and to understand that doing this is keeping me in a fit spiritual condition which somehow relieves the compulsion to eat. I don't pretend to understand how all this works, but I do believe a key for me is to let myself feel whatever I feel.

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CHRISTINA-SP 4/22/2013 5:37AM

    There is a difference as I see it between BEING positive and THINKING positive. It can be a cramp if one demands of oneself to 'always think positive'.
To BE positive requires also being 'negative': sad, depressed, lonely, angry, scared sometimes. Though personally I would not call those emotions negative. They're part of life. And yes, American culture seems to overly value 'smiles and positivity'. That is my impression too. Nothing wrong with it UNLESS it's used as a denial of other emotions and the reality of life itself. JMHO.

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KLEONIKI 4/22/2013 2:26AM

    Dear friend
It was excellently put and i utterly aggree with you
there is time for everything and it feels so alright to live with the entire range of emotions.Our Manufacturer made us this way.
What sometime sucks is when one get stuck in one or the other feeling and refuse to let go...
There should be (e)- motion in them (feelings) alternating their orbits and changing in an everlasting dance if not ....it simply doesn't feel alright
May you have a nice week!
k.

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