Sunday, April 21, 2013
My husband has been away all week. He was supposed to be home this morning. I missed him so much, and I was so excited to have him back home that I woke up early, cleaned the house, prettied myself up a bit, and prepared a special breakfast. Then, when he didn't show up at the expected time, I called him... only to find out that he decided to go to his mother's before he comes here, so he won't be home until late this evening.. or even tomorrow. I am so disappointed... and I reacted like a little kid, completely falling apart. Yes, I had a temper-tantrum complete with tears and stomping feet... and NO it didn't really make me feel any better. Depression and disappointment don't mix well. There's nothing inherently wrong with what my husband decided to do, except that he should have told me earlier what he had planned. Still, I'm angry and hurt, even if its irrational. I sent a couple of biting text messages before I got my emotions in check. Now I just feel so down that I am very tempted to crawl back in bed and spend the whole day moping there.
But what am I helping by indulging in a pity party? And who am I hurting? Its not like my sorrow is going to move my husband, he is blissfully unaware of how his change-of-plans spoiled my morning. I can tell you he has already shrugged off my ugly text messages and is merrily going about his business. Hiding in my bed is not going to help my depression, its only going to feed it and make it deeper.
SO... I have fed my special breakfast to my boys. Miss Patricia has been bathed and fed and prettied up as well. And Alexander got a shower and is dressing up as I type, and we are going to walk to town. (My other son wants to stay home.) Patricia will go in her sling, which makes it at least a little easier on my back. Its 5k into town, so I will log some nice exercise minutes on the way. (I will probably take public transportation back home - by the end of the day my back will be shot and I'll be too tired for the walk home.) We don't need anything particular in town, so I'm not sure what we'll do while we are there. I don't have extra money this month to splurge on anything special... but maybe we'll stop some place for a soda. It will be nice to get out of the house, and this is a nice opportunity to have some almost-individual time with my younger son... who is probably feeling rather desperate for the attention since the new baby arrived.
So, here's to making it a better day!