Saturday, April 20, 2013
It's been a really weird morning. Activities included pulling a cat out of the woodstove, trying to convince a dog that a backhoe is not a dangerous thing that could charge at any moment, and digesting the fact that it's snowing again.
The cat thing was actually kind of funny. There was a bird caught in the back room wood stove pipe (its an old pot-bellied Franklin which I never use) and I opened the valve in case it was stuck in a crevice. I also opened the front of the stove to see if the bird would fall down. It didn't, but the idiot cat jumped in and had to be extracted manually, because it's not a cat-shaped launch-out place. No more fluttering, so I figured the bird had been freed and gone out the top vent the way it got in.
Not so! Two minutes later - I had *just* sat down with my coffee - there was a huge fluttering and this massive black bird came flapping frantically out of the kitchen into the living room with all four cats in hot pursuit and good old Lucy the dog leaping around yelling "bird in the house!!! bird in the house!!!" in case we all hadn't noticed.
The bird doubled back into the dining room, then did a quick 180 into the living room again. Pocket doors divide the two rooms, so I managed to capture all the cats in one part of the house and only the bird, the upstairs cat, and the dog (still frantically proclaiming the threat level) in the other part.
Shooed the bird into the front hall and hooked the door so the dog was dealt with. Ran upstairs, called KayKay, the upstairs cat (who always answers, bless her), located her and shut the door to that bedroom. All domestic animals now dealt with.
Ran back downstairs, keenly aware of my rapidly cooling coffee. Opened the front door and the screen/storm door. (Please remember that it's extremely windy and my other screen/storm door blew off on just such a day.) The bird responded to the wide open portal and inrushing fresh air by immediately flying upstairs.
The bird flies into a few windows and doors, with me swearing a blue streak and trying to herd it, by waving a coat hanger (totally ineffectual as a bird-herding tool) back downstairs to the open door and dangerously swinging storm door. Finally the bird (by now identified as a starling) flies into the bathroom. Ooookay. Can deal with this. Shove all the stuff out of the way of the door and try to shut the door, figuring I can then open the window and the idiot bird will fly out.
Nope. Bird flies back out into the hallway (still ignoring the wide open door only fifteen feet away and rams into a few more things, but then flies back into the bathroom. Got it! I tear into the bathroom, shut the door behind me and try to gently approach the bird, which is batting frantically at the window.
I go to open the window and, since I'm watching only the bird, step into the litter box. Yes, bare feet - of course. Said a few more things I'm not proud of. Opened the window, threatened the bird verbally, and it actually flew out. Thank you, god of birds.
Freed all the domestic creatures, shut the various portals, and tried to calm the dog, who has changed from barking about the bird to barking about the backhoe that's been parked across the street for two days but apparently hasn't posed a threat until now.
Return to coffee. Oops - wood delivery! Find boots, run outside. Deal with all of that. Come back in. Coffee. Is. Still. Hot.
Moral of the story: if you're ever in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, get one of the Resort Hotel insulated mugs. They are awesome at keeping coffee hot.