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ADARKARA
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Epiphany

Saturday, April 20, 2013

It's been a while since I felt like blogging. Not really sure why, really. Just haven't had much to say. I haven't made huge strides in weight loss, and I haven't been exercising as much as I should be. Let's just say I've been lazy! And in truth, part of it is because I got a new video game: Star Wars The Old Republic. It's an MMO that's free to play. My husband loves that I'm playing something, and he's always trying to help me with quests, which, in all honesty, I find irritating. I quit World of Warcraft years ago because I was sick of dealing with other people. I have very high standards for my own behavior so when other people don't have the same standards for gaming (such as going AFK frequently for extended periods of time or acting like a five year old jerk) so I generally prefer to play solo. Now my husband isn't a jerk, but he is dyslexic so we spend a lot of time running around in the wrong direction because he doesn't read maps well.

So anyway, I've been spending a lot of time playing this game instead of exercising. I've still been eating well. I'm still losing slowly. But I realized something when I posted the pics in my last blog.

I'm...pretty.

(Now before you all go and say "duh, dummy of course you are", just lemme finish, Kanye.)

It's one thing when other people tell you things. But believing it is another story. How I look in photos is finally starting to coincide with how I look to myself in the mirror. It's like a switch has been flipped inside me. It's liberating. It's exhilarating. It's empowering.

I do, however, need to find a new pose! AHTRAP picked up that I've been posing the same way for months, and it's true! Lol.

Now here is my wish: I hope all of you, every single one of you, can feel this feeling. The feeling that you are becoming what you ultimately want to be. I'm not at goal yet...but I no longer feel like I'm going to backslide at any moment. I know how to eat now. How to limit my intake and how to get in freggies. I know I need to move around more than I used to. I know how to eat at a restaurant, and what 4 oz. of meat looks like.

I still have 33 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight, and I'm feeling really good about it.

Bonus: Yesterday I went to Acme during lunch. I probably hit up this Acme twice a week minimum because it's a short walk from work. I bought some grapes and a teeny container of Ben & Jerry's Frozen Greek Yogurt. At the register a friendly cashier I talk to sometimes walked right up to me and said "Are you losing weight? You look great!" It felt so good to hear an almost total stranger notice my weight loss. Especially since I had made such good choices for my snacks that day. I was proud of myself, and rightfully so!

So anyway, this is what's been on my mind lately, other than my rash, which is still improving. I found some information on the web about using salicylic acid in conjunction with the hydrocortisone, and I think it's really made a difference. I have my next doctor's appointment on Monday so we'll see what Dr. Hoffman says. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v LULUBELLE65
    Well d'uh, glad you finally noticed. emoticon
    1181 days ago
  • v CJADERUN
    Well, you ARE pretty. Duh.
    emoticon
    *・゜゚ᦊ
    1;*:.。..。.:*ʍ
    81;'(*゚▽゚*)
    '・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚
    ;・*
    1182 days ago
  • v _MOBII_
    MMO's! Argh! They are the downfall of my free time too!
    1190 days ago
  • v LADYFROMTHEWOOD
    Reading about your breakthrough moments like this give me such hope. When you shine, you are showing others how-to also.
    You made me giggle at "Kayne."
    What a thrill to hear what the cashier at Acme said!
    You're throwing off sparks every which way!
    emoticon
    1192 days ago
  • v POMATOJUICE
    I meant to post on this the other day, but I forgot I guess XD I am so glad you feel that way! You look so awesome, and when you look supermodel AND you feel supermodel, everyone can tell by your self esteem!

    I think it's awesome that someone at the supermarket took notice and said something! That's like.. the best NSV ever! My dentist noticed the other day and I was all like "awwww, thanks! :D :D :D"

    You are spot on with the MMOs though.. the communities in many of those games are just so nasty. I loved that the console Knights of the Old Republic games on Xbox FELT like an MMO, but were totally solo-play. I was so excited when I heard they were making an MMO based on the games! As more and more info came out about it, though, I realized it wasn't going to be what I was looking for :( The news I read kept focusing on PVP aspects, and I was like WTF. I still play WoW, and people are bigger and bigger jerks every day, I swear. I'm getting a little burnt out on it again. I'll play for a bit, then take a few months off, then play a bit more, etc. might be time for a little break this month!
    1192 days ago
  • v PRETTYPITHY
    Gorgeous! And everyone is noticing! :wolf whistle:
    1193 days ago
  • v STEPH-KNEE
    Gosh I am so proud of you!! And I'm glad you are now seeing what everyone else around you has been seeing, you are gorgeous and I'm glad you're feeling great!! emoticon emoticon
    1193 days ago
  • v BEECHNUT13
    Yep, you are!

    Also, that part about your husband not being a jerk, but being dyslexic so he isn't good at reading maps - that was hilariously adorable.
    1193 days ago
  • v STRONGDJ
    Fabulous! I'm so happy for you--all the changes you've been making are finally registering with you. Often we get stuck on this mental picture of ourselves and sometimes it is difficult to change that image.

    I'm glad you took time to think about this, recognize your accomplishments and feel proud of your hard work!
    emoticon
    1193 days ago
  • v CATTUTT
    Not only do you look amazing, I LOVE the red and black dress! Super cute!

    It's great that you're able to see what the rest of the world sees. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

    Hope you're having a great weekend!

    emoticon
    1193 days ago
  • v TKLBRIDGET
    I looked at your pictures and guess what? You ARE pretty! Keep on going and I know you'll reach all your goals!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1193 days ago
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