Who are we in our heads?
Saturday, April 20, 2013
So I let a number bother me. 150. That is the weight I was about three years ago when I was 7 months into my journey. I backtracked. I am not happy that this happened but I will not let it get me down (ok well anymore than it already has). I’m stubborn, hard-headed and determined. Therefore I will be getting up early in the morning and going for a walk. I have broken down my weight goals into smaller more achievable goals. My first goal is to get back down to 143. I was pretty proud to maintain that weight. Then to 135 which will be my lowest weight in YEARS. Then to 124 which would bring me to a healthy BMI. Then finally to 115, my ultimate goal.
Anyway, to my subject line. I have been putting some thought into what images I would like to put onto my visual collage. Just like everything else lately it got me thinking. How do I see myself? Right now I’m seeing myself as the 160-something me from 2010 ( reference photo is in my gallery). The images of me in my head are of me sitting in front of the tv with a huge bag of chips or cheese curls. Possibly followed with two hot dogs on buns. But then I see my reflection in my tv and see I look nothing like that. My waist is much narrower than my hips and my hips are actually not that much wider than my bust. I have the beginnings of a hourglass figure not an apple or pear. Sure I haven’t lost the total 47 lbs I want to lose but 12 lbs is not anything to frown upon. So the next question should be how do I want to see myself? What does the mini me look like? What does the mini me do for fun and excitement?
In working on my collage I am having to get to know myself again. 2010 I was lazy, enjoyed watching tv and playing video games more than anything. The only exercise I got was chasing my yellow lab. I really had no plans for my future. I had graduated from college #2 a year before and was just stuck. 2013 me…I’m slightly more active. I’ve been kayaking and loved it. I can walk much further than in 2010 without getting out of breathe or breaking a huge sweat. Summer 2012 I wore my first bikini, and was far from shy about it even with a little bit of stomach flub. So does that mean I’m confident? Or am I vain? Lots to think about for just some simple visual motivation. Maybe I should stop thinking and just get to doing :)