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    CREATIVNAME   5,418
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Entry Two

Friday, April 19, 2013

So I'm writing my second entry here, that is a small victory! I am not giving up, even though I have not tracked in a few days, but I am not giving up, I will start again tomorrow. I figured I would write a little bit here about what has been going on lately. I had gotten through last semester with an A- and a B-, but this semester I had a mental breakdown, so I had to drop the classes I was taking, I dropped my classes about two weeks ago and have yet to figure out what I want to do with myself. I plan on going back to school in the fall, but I need a break right now.

I was the one who found my dad dead in his bed when he did not wake up, around seven months ago, and I developed PTSD from that. I wasn't sure I wanted to write about it online in public like this, but I figure it is better to get it all out and be honest. I need to heal and get healthy, and blogging might be part of that process. it was a complete surprise, it was a heart arrhythmia, nothing could be done. That is all that I can write about that now.

I need to start looking forward now and try and figure out what I want to do with my life. My priorities are my family and friends. I am going to focus on my business and try and sell my jewelry and make more stuff. I am taking it day by day, but I really need to start looking forward and making plans for my time. Lately I have had a hard time concentrating and focusing my thoughts, it is really frusterating for me. I think I need help, but I don't know what to do.

On another note I pre-ordered the new spark-people book and plan on following that program when I get it, so what I am doing now is preparing for when that book comes out, making small changes in my attitude, which is the most important thing.

Sorry if this post did not make much sense, my next one will make more sense, hopefully.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 4/25/2013 12:00AM

    Glad to see you back. You have been through a lot and i am sure it has taken it's toll but my hat is off to you for deciding to get back up. That takes a lot of strength and courage and that is exactly what will carry you to the life you want!


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1STATEOFDENIAL 4/20/2013 9:24PM

    Sometimes all we can do is the simplest things to help us going forward. Instead of trying to change everything, focus on just doing a few small things a little better. It will help you feel accomplished.

My condolences for your losses - both your father and for the loss of your feeling okay. Many people go through difficult times, though each of us has different ways of dealing with it. We can only do our best to find our way through to the other side, where we can be okay with ourselves and our lives again. My suggestion to you would be to find a therapist to talk to. If you can't find one, talk to your primary care doctor about finding one. They can help in many ways. Dealing with mental health issues can cause issues like not being able to focus, feeling lost, etc. If you can find a way to move forward from the past you may have an easier time focusing on the present and the future.

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ALEXSGIRL1 4/20/2013 4:51PM

    you have been through a very rough time . if you are having trouble with your thoughts are you under a doctor's care? if not please let a doctor know you may have depression still going on. is there a support group in your area somewhere you can go and listen and then later when you are able talk about it? it is good that you blogged that is a good start. Stay close to the rest of your family their love and strenght will help you. Don't hold your feelings in. Let them out. things will get better with time hugs

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LIVELAUFLUV 4/20/2013 8:36AM

    Thank you for sharing. Hang in there, you can do this.

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MCJULIEO 4/19/2013 11:40PM

    You've been through a lot... hang in there, the worst is sure to be behind you now...

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