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    SUNSHINE65   56,700
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Later NIghter

Friday, April 19, 2013

North Korea is ruled by Kim Jong Un. Over the weekend, the premier of China told Kim Jong Un to chill out. Now, when the premier of China tells you to chill out, it’s like Mel Gibson saying, ‘Whoa, easy on the tequila’. Japan gave warnings too. They said if North Korea tests this new weapon, Japan will have no choice but to set up their own missile defense system. They’re adorable little missiles with ‘Hello Kitty’ on them. This is unprecedented. First China, now Japan. I haven’t seen people turn against a fat Korean guy this quickly since ‘Gangnam Style’. -Craig Ferguson


The acting president of Venezuela has put a curse on voters who don’t vote for him in next week’s election. Today Mitt Romney said, ‘You can do that?’ -Jay Leno


This week on the ‘Today’ show, Chelsea Clinton said she’s open to running for political office one day. When she heard that, Sasha Obama was like, ‘Cool. How does secretary of state sound?’ -Jimmy Fallon


The Obama administration new budget plan calls for saving billions of dollars by selling off federal properties. So folks get ready for the Washington Monument, brought to you by Cialis. -Conan O'Brien



I want Kim Jong-un to test a missile because it's always a spectacular disaster. He's the only Asian in the world that doesn't test well. John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea's missiles, but he won't because that's a slippery slope from there to gun control. -Bill Maher


Republicans did not have the votes for a filibuster, so there will be a debate about the gun bill. And given the recent rash of gun violence, Republicans said it was the least they could do. Literally, they had a meeting and said, 'What is the least we can do?' -Bill Maher


These people are mental. Congressman Joe Barton of Texas used Noah's Ark as evidence that global warming doesn't' exist. He said, 'If you're a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.' Can we forget Noah? This guy needs to start collecting two of every chromosome.
-Bill Maher


Street corner crazies are now in Congress. Listen to this one. Congressman Steve Stockman tweeted his new slogan: 'If babies had guns, they wouldn't be aborted.' What a great way for Republicans to win back women: 'Hey, wouldn't it be cool if your (slang term for lady part) had a gun in it?' -Bill Maher
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ANASARI 4/20/2013 7:12AM

    Those were funny, thanks!
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