Friday, April 19, 2013
I think it's honesty time. Every so often, I get a fear in the pit of my stomach that all this work I've done, all this weight I've lost, all the ways I've changed my life, will be lost. That I will regain all my weight and go back to feeling sleepy, heavy, and uncomfortable in my body. I think back to the first and the second times I lost weight. I gained all that weight back - why should this time be different?
Why should this time be different? Well, there are a lot of factors to that. This time around, I have a new goal - living a healthy life - instead of a weight goal. This time around, I am willing to make drastic changes to get the life I want. And this time, I want to not give up if I am not 100% perfect.
The sad fact is: I am a perfectionist. I expect to be perfect, and if I am not, then why bother trying at all? This is not a good viewpoint, and it has hurt me many times in the past, both when losing weight and in other areas.
For instance, when on Weight Watchers, if I went over my points, I would go, "Oops, I used too many points, oh, well, I'll restart my week in the morning". Soon enough every DAY became a restart and then I just gave up, thinking I needed a "break".
I didn't need a break - that was the LAST thing I needed. I needed something else - the defeat of the fear of failure.
Fear of Failure coupled with my perfectionism is what kept me from changing my lifestyle. Fear of Failure is what sometimes haunts me now.
But the thing is: making one oops is NOT failure! Failure is giving up; failure is quitting before getting to your goal; failure is not trying at all. Eating too much ice cream one day is NOT FAILURE. Yes, it's a mistake. Yes, it ruined your eating patterns. But it shouldn't ruin your entire diet.
Among being more active, drinking more water, and eating healthier meals, probably the biggest thing I want to adopt into my life is realizing that very fact: So I ate too many cookies. Acknowledge, learn and move on. Don't give up a healthy lifestyle because of one mistake. Don't restart and procrastinate. I *will* make mistakes. I *will* succumb to temptations. But I don't need to let those temptations and mistakes drag me down, tear at my self-confidence and ruin my health plans. I can look them and say, "OK, that wasn't good; let's just keep going and try better."
Destroying my fear of failure is what will help me ultimately succeed. THAT will keep the weight off and my living a healthier lifestyle. I will not let this fear and my stupid perfectionism ruin my life; I love the way I am living and the way I feel about myself. I have gone too far to let it rule and refuse to give it anymore power over my life!