Friday, April 19, 2013
A change is gonna come. Oh, well, yeah, I know...divorce...refinance...m
other moving in...yadda yadda yadda. Whatevs.
That is nothing, people.
I mean, I've come to a place of realization that all of that just does not matter. I mean, it does in the sense that I have to deal with it and it will be hard. But that last couple of weeks of grace and then a couple more of "forgiveness" and I am starting to get it.
I am starting to see and feel who I am. Everything else will fall into place.
Now, I know, some of you may read this and think...boy she's got some rose colored blinders on. No. I know it will be hell. Trust me, I do. But now I know where to turn. I know He is with me and I'm not ever alone nor ever unloved. No matter what is going on or who hurts me.
And the forgiveness is a process and not a moment. I know, especially with all that's going on, that I will still get to moments of anger, frustration, and hurt. But I know how to release it and who to release it to. Him. What a freaking relief! Unburdened is the word. I can't tell you how light I feel...(despite my weight, badumCHING) Seriously, hold out your hand holding anything light....a brush...a half glass of water...anything. Keep it out there. Keep going. Even longer....don't stop. Feel that hurt? That pain? And that was something tiny. Now let it down, let it go...yeah, ouch but oh so much relief right? That's me except it was not a simple glass of water, it was a huge freaking ordeal and I'm about to be done with it. Put it down and walk away. Unburdened.
I have let go of all the hurt from others and am in the process of forgiving myself. There are these last few strings that I am about to cut and I'm going to fly. Take off!
Oh, and it doesn't hurt that it is Friday and just flat out beautiful outside.
Hope you guys have a happy healthy weekend!