4,000-5,499 SparkPoints 4,938

Half way

Friday, April 19, 2013

I was reading a friend's blog today and she was talking about being on the fence. I really identified with that because that is how I feel lately. I am neither all the way this way (i.e. working out, eating healthy, etc) or all the way that way (i.e. eating out, drinking soda, eating sweets, sleeping all day...) I am half way doing things. And the end result is that I am not moving either forward or back ward. I'm stuck.

The bottom line is I am the one that is keeping myself stuck exactly where I am and that is not where I want to be. I think that I am half way because I am too scared to go back to the old habits and too scared of what may face me ahead. The truth is that being successful comes with it's own responsibilities. What if I am successful and someone depends on me and I let them down? After all, most of my stress eating came from the stress of not doing what I was supposed to do and letting someone else or myself down. I just hate the thought of another person being disappointed in me. The one thing that I have never delt with well is other people being angry with me. It has always been devastating to me and I don't let go of that feeling very easy. Thinking back to my childhood - I can remember clearly the times people were angry or upset with me easier than I can remember the times that people were happy or pleased with something I did. Personal issue - yes.

You know I think it's great to put words to feelings that I have had over the years BUT I wish there was a way to have a blueprint for the actions I need to take to get past all the baggage. I guess that won't happen so I will continue in this struggle and try to overcome the "half way" crisis so I don't end up going back to just sitting in my house all day and sleeping all day because there is nothing better that I have to do.

I don't want to be the girl who fails or the girl who never figured out how to complete things. Half way is just not acceptable anymore.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am proud of you for the progress you have made so far. I have noticed with me if I begin to focus so much on the things I can't do and the things that I am not doing it pushing farther into not doing anything. Celebrate your success! Look how far you have come! You made the most important decision that brought yourself to the fence. You saw you need to make a change for you to be healthier. Part of your journey is to see what cause success and what caused failure. Don't expect perfection! It is a process which means you are gradually making changes. You see what you need to do so make another change. One change at a time you will get there. Just never give up. You can do this I know you can! emoticon
    1790 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    Just keep taking those baby steps that put you closer to all in- eventually it will get easier. Have you ever tried writing to deal with those feelings? Sometimes people write down all the thoughts that have been dragging them down and either tear it all up or burn it to let the thoughts go. Or sometimes people write an apology to their body for not taking better care of it and make a commitment to take better care of it- which is really you taking better care of yourself.

    You are so worth a better life for yourself! emoticon emoticon
    1793 days ago
    I'm glad half way is not acceptable anymore! Took me a long time to figure it out - this isn't about other people. This is about me. This is about taking care of MY needs. This is about getting out of the back seat and driving the bus!!! We are free! We do not need to get our feeling of fulfillment from the reactions of others, we can get them from our own actions!!! Isn't that great!!! Celebrate!

    All in baby! We can do this!!! emoticon emoticon
    1793 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by SUSIE4LYF