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Loss of control..

Friday, April 19, 2013

Okay. The last two weeks have not been shining moments for me. Too many days last week involved me eating a lot of bad food. I started over this week, but then ate bad on Wednesday, and literally ate all day yesterday (and skipped the gym, uggggh). I know the culprit is PMS, I just don't know how to get around it. Around that time, my brain hard wires itself to want nothing but sleep (I'm exhausted during that time) and bad food, the junkier the better! Yesterday I'm pretty certain that not a minute went by that I wasn't munching on something, I just kept getting up and grabbing more stuff to put in my mouth. I don't know why I kept doing it, because I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop! It's like I was a woman possessed! Now today I feel like I'm pregnant with a food baby. My stomach is bloated and sticking out, my hands feel swollen, and I'm really run down and tired. I can't keep doing this! I feel disgusting, and I'm being very counter active to the weight loss aspect! Please send prayers and support my way, I have got to get this under control so I can start losing weight again, I started again today, hopefully I don't fall again tonight.

In happier news, I found out last night that the wonderful John Barrowman is going to be at the Phoenix comicon next month (I'm a nerd, shut up). Me and my friend started squealing and hugging each other cause we looooove him. It's $45 for a photo op with him, and I'm most likely gonna pay for it. I mean, a picture with Captain Jack Harkness? PLEASE! The only thing I'm worried about is that I'm gonna look at it and be disgusting with what I see (in myself of course, not his lovely face). I keep ridiculing myself about how if I hadn't messed up last year, I would've been at goal weight long time ago and I would look awesome when I went and blah blah blah... My negative self talk lately has been through the roof. I can't seem to stop it from coming out of my mouth. Like word vomit.

Happy sparking everyone.. Send thoughts my way that I can regain control.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh Girl, I know how you feel! I feel like I can just eat anything and everything in sight the last few days! I'm just hoping I can keep controlling it! (I've totally "cheated" at least once a day over the last few days eating things that I know I shouldn't or eating too much instead of just having a small taste to take away that craving. Just keep moving forward! You can get back on track- don't let it get to you!
    1762 days ago
    I haven't been doing well these last few weeks also. I totally have not been working out/exercising. Realized I have not blogged on SP at all this year.. I haven't been logging on to this website very much. But I need to change it because I am gaining my weight back. We can do this together!! You got this girl.
    1763 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    I think it will be a beautiful picture and it will be more beautiful than it would have been in December or January- you are making progress!

    I don't have any great ideas about the pms- but they say that exercise actually helps with the bloat and discomfort- maybe you could try some short walks instead of going to the gym. but I would also sleep extra if you need to- when I used to have days where I would sleep all day on weekend or fall asleep early when I got home- inevitably I would get my period in a couple days so let your body get the sleep it needs. They used to say if men got periods they would automatically institute weeks off for themselves because it is a major stress to go through.
    I know you can get back your streak! emoticon

    1764 days ago
  • THIN133
    Sending you sunshine emoticon and rainbows emoticon !
    Write down all the positive things about you to remind yourself how awesome you are .You will get the control back. Keep plugging along, you will get there . It's a process, and it's not always easy . Learn from the backslides & start anew .Tomorrow is a new day ! emoticon
    1765 days ago
    Captian Jack! Wow!
    I have been having control issues recently too. Blaming on the change of seasons . . .
    1765 days ago
    Sorry your having such a hard time but Oh! captain Jack! Eeeeek! Awesomeness!
    1765 days ago
    Oh my gosh i want to go with you to see John Borrowman!! Why is he not scheduled for the 50th?? did you see the name of next weeks episode?? I am so excited i might pee my pants lol! I am such a nerd!

    about your negativity...I am the same,and So down on my self. everyone tells me not to be and that they dont think the stuff about me that i think they see,but it is hard! I just get mad at my self for allowing this to happen to me.

    When I am on my TOM i am the same,i just want to eat and eat and chow some more!! esp sweets...cakes,cookies you name it. I try not to even think to much about working out when it is that week,cuz i know i will not comply and then i get more depressed. so for now i just kinda skip the first couple days
    1765 days ago
    1765 days ago
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