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who does that??????

Friday, April 19, 2013

Sometimes I am in utter shock and awe with the boldness of some people, even when they mean well. As many know, I am getting married in less than five months. I know a ton of people are extremely happy for me and Derrell and I appreciate their support. HOWEVER, I do not get, nor will I ever understand, those folks who self-invite themselves to events or give you the assumptive invite like, "When is your wedding again? Great, I will be there!" You can't assume that because I told you the date, I want you to come. And here is the thing: I DO want them to come. If it were up to me and someone else was fronting the bill, every person I have ever spoke a "hello" to would be there. But since my parents are Lonnie and Traci and not Donald and Ivanka, that can't happen.

How do I handle this? I will be sending out invitations in the next 6 weeks. For the past few months I have gotten invitation requests, emails letting me know of their attendance, in-your-face "I want to come", and all of the above. I was considering a couple of things: 1.) I could temporarily deavticate my FB account until after the wedding so that only the folks who are close to me will be able to contact me (I know this is cowardice) or 2.) I couldpost a status on FB saying that while I wish everyone I know and love could be a part of our special day, we will have to reserve the festivities for our closest friends and families. What do you think?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was in the same predicament when I was getting married. I have a TON of family and of course family was invited but then there is the church family! I grew up at one church but I attend a different church now with my husband. The old church members that watched me grow up from a baby feel like family. Unfortunately, I can't foot the bill for 400 guests. I just sent invites to whom I wanted there and the others would just have to deal with it. It is rude for people to invite themselves to a wedding. Don't feel to bad about it. You aren't made of money and people will have to understand that. Goodluck, my dear. This is a happy time so don't let this issue put too much pressure on you. When all is said and done you will be married to the man of your dreams and that is the most important thing!
    1732 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Definitely option #2.
    1732 days ago
    Option # 2, but people should understand that you can't say yes to "everyone" so if you get an invite or not they should be humble about the situation...

    Just try to enjoy your "big day" its all about you, he & your love for one another.

    1733 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    People should understand and let your wedding be the way you planned...I would either go with option 2 to be "nice" rude of some people!!!
    1733 days ago
    the second option is best my Ma's second cousin's husband till he passed away whnever he met me waid that had not invited him to my daughter's wedding as we chose friends & those connected to her iver people with no connection
    1735 days ago
    I vote for #2. Just have fun and be happy! emoticon
    1735 days ago
    The number 2 AND what IAMZBEE said. I completely understand your dilemma and hope my daughter will be thoughtful of my budget (or lack thereof) when the time comes!! :) Something else people don't think about is that when you were five, twelve, eighteen, and so on, your life has more friends with each number. No one has an infinite budget. I have chosen to send gifts to the weddings of my daughter's closest friends because I knew them "back when" because it was a great way to recognize their joy and still not be a pest. LOL. Best of wishes to you, congratulations! One word of advice: don't let the day be nerve wracking - make sure to have FUN. emoticon
    1736 days ago
  • LZY0108
    Totally understand. I've been there. I didn't do either option. It's your day not theirs. If they ask later say what you said on here...
    1736 days ago
    Tough one, just post on FB how you wish everyone could come but the budget is kinda tight once a week from now until the wedding, that way there is no way they could say they missed the posting LOL
    1736 days ago
    Option #2 is good. If it was me... I would tell my friends they are more then welcome at the wedding but as for the reception its invitations only. emoticon
    1736 days ago
    I think everyone has great ideas on here! I am also getting married in September and I have come across the same issue. And the venue we have fits up to 300 people however food wise we can only invite 120 and the wedding ceremony can only sit 80, so what I have done is sent out an invite with ticket like stubs for the food and ceremony...and told everyone else if they want to come, they can...(feel free to bring a gift!) lol jk. but i mean people can come and party and we have a cash bar also. so its of no extra cost to us. :) maybe that helps...not sure if ur venue can accomidate the extra tables. btw congrats! :D emoticon emoticon
    1736 days ago
    I would honestly not do either- send out your invites, and when these people see they didn't get one, they will deal. It's rude, b!tchy, and not right for people to assume they're invited to your wedding! I actually had a 3rd cousin ask me over the weekend, "so will I be there?" I just told her, "I honestly don't know yet... We are still working out the guest list." no, you will not be there, lady. If i invited all my 3rd cousins, we'd have a wedding of 200-300 people. WHO can afford that?!

    Hang in there! Stay strong. Maybe if you get quite a bit of NOs fromt he people you are inviting, you can send additional invitations out to the people you WANT there. :)
    1736 days ago
    I wouldnt do either. Send out your invites and when people dont get one they will realize they werent invited and can process their emotions on it in private. If they ask why they werent invited then you can talk to them directly and explain your situation.
    1736 days ago
    I like your #2 the best too. I know about people being so bold and tasteless. It's really can cause our hair to stand up on end! My husband and I got married 31 years ago and I can remember this one lady as if it was yesterday! A week after our wedding, she gave us a gift after a church service, and as she was giving it, she said kind've snidely, "I know that we weren't invited to wedding, but we feel we have to give you a gift anyway." I'll never forget that and i know that I should. I should've done something like your #2, but FB wasn't around then! ha!
    1736 days ago
  • KNH771
    I wouldn't do either. It is presumptive, rude and self-serving to ask for an invite. Mail the invites to the people you have chosen to invite. Some people will be bold enough to approach you when they don't receive one - that person is not really your friend. Don't feel bad for telling them they didn't make the cut. If you lose that relationship, it's probably for the better. NO ONE *DESERVES* an invite.

    That said, other people in the comments seem more politically correct. I go from zero to B&%ch with nothing in between.
    1736 days ago
    That's annoying. Been there. Just tell them that your parents are funding the wedding and they're on a tight budget so family is first on the list, and then friends. But, you'd love to get together with them one-on-one after the wedding and celebrate that way. That always seemed to work for me. emoticon
    1736 days ago
    Option number two! Anyone who gets upset afterwards, well... I guess at that point you can explain the difficulties trying to have so many people at a wedding without going into bankruptcy.
    1736 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Go with option #2! BTW, I just sent you my address for my invite. LMBO Just joking! I couldn't resist. emoticon
    1736 days ago
  • STEPHANIE302013
    Option number 2 is a good one - you could look at it this way - all these people want to share in your happiness! But like you said, it's a limited budget - don't stress it!
    1736 days ago
    The second option is very tasteful! It is fantastic that you have so many great friends that all want to be there to support you. Purple is right though. Your friends should understand if you can't have an affair including hundreds of people!
    1736 days ago
  • PURPLE180
    I totally understand. I think that your second option is a good one. If they are truly your friends they will understand.
    1736 days ago
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