Friday, April 19, 2013
held hostage by JABBA... basically a two days binge.... feel awful. Literally binged myself sick!!! Feel afraid what tomorrow will bring. While travelling up to Perth for a couple days, choices will be taken out of my hand, yet there won't be a fridge to raid. Won't bring anything worth raiding myself... apart from the boy's snack boxes which are packed already and I'll hand them over to them as soon as we're in the car.
Feel utterly ashamed and a fraud. All the progress and things learned over the last 4 weeks utterly forgotten. HOW stupid can you get?? Ou well, I will get up tomorrow and face the monster and fight back once again, even though right now I just want to hid under my blanket and eat some more chocolate, even though I feel literally sick already. So, tomorrow will be a new "day 1" once again. But dang, it doesn't matter how many million day ones there are, it matters to go on fighting!! I might be defeated in this one battle, but there's a war out there!!! And there were many battles won over the past 3 1/2 months!!!! I might have been a "up-giverer" in the past but, dang, I ain't no givin up now. My chances for success are below zero for the next couple of days (being out of my own waters and start of holidays and all), but DANG, I can't make that thought just make me give up without even trying!!! So I will stop eating now. As in right NOW!!!