Friday, April 19, 2013
Yes. In every single person who takes and fights on this long, tedious, painful journey, we see change. But I feel like the outside world notices the physical, whereas the person going through these changes sees the personality and confidence side (not necessarily the physical side).
That's where I am.
On some level, I know my body is changing. I'm getting definition in my shoulders and my chest. My wrists are thinning out (odd thing to notice, but my wrist bone is starting to protrude from under the skin whereas before it had been layered in a plethora of fat). I can keep my legs crossed or squeezed together, and it's not like there's a spring between my knees (it used to hurt to hold them closed because I was fighting against so much fat). I can see my kneecaps again, especially when I do my flexibility machines. Heck, I can feel the sweatshirt I'm wearing right now, which is an XXL, be bigger on my end.
But truthfully, I'm feeling a lot of changes in how I feel about myself. When I eat well, I feel more confident. I feel like I'm making the most educated decision on how my body will work and how it will produce. I've lost over SIX points of my BMI (numbers I'm too happy to see go away), I bet if my doctor tested my cholesterol levels, they'd be FAR less than they were a year ago ... I care a lot less about what people are thinking about me ... And I still have 140 lbs. to go in order to get to where I need to be and what weight I need to be.
Tomorrow I'm officially weighing in at WW for the first time in two weeks. I can't wait. Some semblance of normalcy, of routine ... I need it. And it holds me much more accountable than I will ever be able to hold myself.
Let's hope this all keeps going the right way! :)