Thursday, April 18, 2013
This morning I woke up with a very odd feeling, one that I couldn't and still can't put a name to. It was a feeling of tiredness yet I had slept well. It was a feeling of anxiety yet there was nothing to be anxious about. The was even a little fear mixed in and I am not usually a fearful person. There was lonliness and that I understood and caould name but the overall mixed bag of feelings? The conglomeration of all of those mentioned topped off with sadness, I just couldn't put a name to.
The feelings were so intense that nausea came over me at one point while I was out looking for a bathing suit. Maybe it was the same thing that happened last month when I went to the bank exceept this time the tears didn't start and I continued to Marshall's to buy a bathing suit.
Later, as I was checking facebook I became overwhelmed with exhaustion. I actually had to sleep for about 30 minutes and when I woke up the tears started. They poured out of my eyes so fast and furious that the front of my T-shirt became wet and I had to change before I could go get my grandchildren at the sitters.
Picking up the kids was good and put the strange feelings at bay until they left. We got homework completed, showers, and went out to their favorite mexican restaurant. I brought half my dinner home. I just wasn't hungry. They were finishing their ice cream when their Mom got here.
As they drove off the feelings began to creep back; so, I think that I will take a whole xanax tonight instead of a half and see if that helps.
Lord, you know that I have taken only a couple of xanax since the dr. prescribed them 2 weeks ago and I thank you for getting me through the weeks without help from pills but tonight I will take one. I ask that you get me through this difficult time with little help from medication. I ask blessings on my children and grandchildren and that you comfort all of us. Thanks you, Lord. Amen