To borrow a line from a song " I've been lately thinking about my life time" life can be surprising at times where a path leads you.
There was a time in my life I had great struggles in being lonely and wondered when in Thundera would life be better again. One lesson I had to accept grudingly on my sister's passing I was so hurt and angry at the world and evil fear cruelty " entered" my world.
I did lot of writing venting out lot of confusing feelings on new lesson of evil.
Later on slowly I realized that anger wasn't healthy so I read a lot on healing and some books that explained on grief loss themes. One of the important steps is take control of your life. So I went to college later on. I learned on newer lesson of different kind is Spriutality and wellness and some writing to continute my healing in life. I was still scared then of outside world.
Few years later, I was holding in so much ( fear based not anger theme) that I became sick with an illness in 2005. I was still afraid of people's Reactions on my goals ideas etc. People comments HURTS me and " echoes" horribly to no end.
By having these " setbacks- anger and fear based Spells" hanging over my head I wondered what was the " power that broke the spell" two things Love and Sprituality...
My Spruital Guide Gerri and two of my first Spritual Teachers My sister Mary and Johnny Denver have been guiding me through the stories I have written -- LOVE is the way to LIVE in your life. They have been very supportive understanding throughout my trails of life and SENT SIGNS to assure me that they are loyal no matter what. THAT blows my mind ( I'll have write a blog on signs -- hheellooo are you paying attention??)
I'm starting to accept the Here comes the Sun ( happier times) and MOST importantly some answers or goals starting to happen. Embracing the healing lessons that are coming too. This road has been challenging at times and have become stronger and wiser person. I am ready for the " new chapter" thanks to my Spritual team and and new friends in Sparkpeople who is willing to join in in my journey of healing.
It is really a beautiful blog. I hadn't realized that your sister's death would cause you to fear life. Makes sense to me now. Also, you being disabled and your sister not here, your parents have been over protecting you so you couldn't really find your way. Now, slowly, you are living your life the way you want and that's great, Dolly. I hope you continue not just here in SP but your life in CT too - taking classes, volunteering, making friends, book club with your mom, and more.
Fantastic and positive lessons for us all. You have recognized important truths. Healing is so important and I believe you can't move forward without it. Best wishes to you on your journey. 1471 days ago
I can just tell that you are a beautiful and spiritual soul...you have had your fair share of struggles and you have managed to take some hard experiences and search for what and why. That is always the BEST thing to grow and evolve and then share your lessons with those that can benefit from your experience.
That's me in a nutshell...I used to be so worried about my 'place and stature' in life and then we lost our most cherished possession our dear son. After that..nothing meant anything other than the precious joy he had brought into our life.
We all seem to get kicked off our high horse in life..some more so than others...then we learn what life is ALL about and we come to understand it's only about love.
Love is all there is...love is all there ever was. You are a smart, smart friend and I have to say that you are wayyyy ahead of me on the learning curve.
I'm so happy our spark paths crossed! 1472 days ago