Thursday, April 18, 2013
So all through this weight loss journey I've been fairly fanatical about what I eat and my treadmill workouts. If I have to miss a workout or I'm not in a position to track my food I've always tried to err on the side of caution and go for a walk or keep a mental tally of my guessed intake. And has all worked out pretty well.
I haven't been 100 perfect, there have been slip-ups. The 23kg I've lost is still missing and that's all that matters. It's not about the highs or the lows, it's about the result.
Since I made the decision to calm down and lose the last 2kg as someone who was leading a "normal" life, rather than a dieting fanatic, I've noticed a big change. I'd called the experiment "controlled apathy", referring to the fact that I was aware of what I was making a conscious decision to become less fanatical and coast into my target than slam into it. It all made sense from a physical point-of-view.
But, the change I noticed was mental.
As soon as I broke my treadmill routine I started wanting to be lazy. As soon as I added more food to my diet I started craving even more. It was as if by making this simple decision to be more flexible in my attitude I'd suddenly closed the door on all the dedication, education and drive that I'd been building up over the previous months. Instead I'd opened a door to the past where fat Tony wanted to sit on the couch and eat rubbish!
This of course had a flow on effect physically. I felt tired. I was staying up too late. Not sleeping as well. My energy rapidly drained from my during the day. I was thinking like a lump and turning into a lump. All of a sudden I didn't care if I ate something bad or if I went back for seconds. I was justifying it to myself, "Oh I have some spare cals to cover this", whereas a few months earlier I would have heard a resounding "NO!" in my head and would have completely ignored the temptation.
Although I made the decision to get back on track last week an impromptu visit out of town in the weekend gave me the perfect excuse to fall right back off the wagon. The result of this combined with the last few weeks is that instead of reaching my goal I am still nearly 2kg away.
As much as I'd like to continue coasting towards 75kg I just don't think I am the sort of person that can loosely grasp an idea and stick with it. I'm, apparently, an all or nothing person. So I'm deciding to go back to being a fanatic. I'm going to reinstate my mental drill instructor to ensure I stick with my diet and exercise program the way I was earlier.
I don't know what this will mean when once I hit 75kg because I can't just keep dieting. So between now and then I'm going to have to take a look at my future and decide how I am going to live a successful weight managed life once the weight loss stops.
When I was fat I always imagined the hardest thing would be to lose the weight. Now that it's mostly gone I realise the real battle will be maintaining my new healthy body and lifestyle. Fingers crossed.