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    FRAGMENTEDANGEL   7,458
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Digging in the dirt

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Yesterday i decided that i'd use cleaning time to get some fitness in. I cranked the tunes, fired up the vacuum, and got busy. We have some heavy furniture! Unfortunately while cleaning my "trigger song" came on.

Early November of last year my sister, mother, and i undertook a 9 hour drive. My father had been diagnosed with throat cancer and was given 6 months. We wanted to make sure we had a chance to say our goodbyes. During the drive my sister had a wide variety of music playing, but one stuck in my head as THE trip song. Every time i hear it i get a flashback of the drive. The darkness surrounding us, the brief moments captured in the light of the rare oncoming cars, the road rolling up to meet us illuminated in the headlights, and the lines blurring until they were almost one. The song encapsulates the sorrow of the trip there and the melancholy of the return. It also always brings on a flashback of my final image of my father. Lying in the hospice bed, crying, because he KNEW we'd never see each other again.

My father passed away on November 22, 2012. A mere 3 days after my 37th birthday. I was in the middle of my preceptorship at the time (my final clinical for my nursing degree). So not only was i in the middle of something major in my life but i was planning a funeral from a distance, by email and phone. (plus my having my own family at home to care for-a fiance and 4 kids).

So i finished my vacuuming in tears. I needed something else to focus on. So i popped on my Kinect Zumba Core game and just lost myself in the music and movement. Once that was done i let the kids go insane outside while i dug up a weed infested section of garden, hand tilled the soil, created an edging out of large rocks....and planted some flower seeds. My daughter was so funny while i was doing it. She would hover and talk incessantly about all of the worms i was digging up. She wanted to hold them but was too afraid. I managed to get one into her hand and she shrieked. All in all it was a good way to focus myself on something else AND burn up some calories.

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