1-99 SparkPoints 22

I actually drank 3 shots of tequila mixed with Mt. Dew per day.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

that isn't much. I usually just drink a whole bottle of wine in one day when I get freaked out by my SO. I think it happens every 10 days or so. That's how I have learned to deal with the stress of constant nagging and put downs from my SO.
He considers every infraction of his rules is a glaring example of my unworthiness and lack of character. He will not commit to me in any way. He lets me live here rent free as long as I act like a wife and cook and clean, etc. But I am not good enough to be his wife. He wants someone who never misplaces her cellphone or purse, operates the coffeemaker to his specifications, leaving it at the proper angle on the counter. Everything he dislikes about me is a petty thing that most people don't notice. He never says anything nice. He has a personality disorder, I think. I learned to take a sip of wine every time he hurt me which could be 100 times a day. If I really press him about our future together he clams up and closes his eyes and acts like he is in a trance. We live in a showcase hacienda on 4 acres. I run the estate and it is very creative. I pay all my own bills except food and rent.
But actually, he said from day one that he wouldn't consider me a serious mate if I did not lose weight. Ten years ago, I thought, I can easily lose 15#. I gained 40# instead. I told him what he needed to do to help me lose, mainly praise my efforts, don't put me down, and pay for me to go to the Oaks occasionally, my favorite fat farm. He did the exact opposite. I think he wants me fat so he won't have to commit. So I have been on this roller coaster for 11 years. He is a multi-millionaire. We are compatible in most important ways, to me. I have to get off the roller coaster, because I totally resent having to care for him in his waning years to be rewarded with nothing. Not even his social security, mine is next to nothing. He doesn't care what happens to me or our family of 12 cats. I need a place to live after he dies where I can move the cats. So I have to go. At my age, 67, I don't want to start over. It's too late, I need to jump right into a new situation. I want to travel, I want to be married and cared for. I am a serial monogamist. Not your usual life, but it has worked for me. However, you cannot manhunt overweight. I really don't mind being overweight, I look really good for 67. But I would have a much greater advantage if I was thin. And I would feel better. And not become a diabetic, and not have my knees replaced like my Mom, and not have heart disease. I hate aerobic exercise, but I think that is my supreme sacrifice. Do it anyway is the only way.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GLC2009
    where i live you are considered the same as married after living together 2 years. so, if he died or split up with you, you would get the same as if you were legally married. check into that where you are.
    ask yourself why you are with this guy. i don't understand staying with anyone who puts you down and insults you and says you are not worth marrying, but, you can be his servant. that's what i am reading here. a person needs love, compassion and caring. what are you getting to help yourself thrive and grow in this relationship?
    are you staying with him because he's rich? that seems to be the only good trait he has. why do you feel you can't be without a man for any length of time? why do you feel you have to have a rich man? won't you be richer by being with a kind, loving man who thinks you are wonderful?
    it's better to be alone than be lonely with someone else. this person is driving you to drink. he is making you less than you are. he is squandering all that is wonderful about you and he doesn't care that he's doing that.
    stand up for yourself. you are important. you matter. i don't think you love yourself and i think you should learn how to love yourself. i am sure you are very loveable. but, if you don't love yourself, you won't find a worthy partner who will love you for you. how can he when he sees you don't love you?

    1795 days ago
    That is a good mix...It's the every day part that sucks-even if it were Cuervo gold. But you're doing a great job at impressing yourself with the alcohol consumption..rather immature? Ooh, and to reduce portions, have you tried the wine singles? :) Have you tried doing sweet turnaround to his perfectionism, where you become the perfectionist with expectations? For how else could he ever care for you unless these things meant as much to you as they do to him????:) Tone down the drinking, it's a choice. Like weight. Do it. Feel good about yourself. After you're off the excuses for the alcohol and weight, wait a while, then find out if he is so picky as you think right now. Alcohol on a usual basis distorts truths and perceptions so you go back to you can use food. Get it together! We're rooting for you!
    1795 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/18/2013 3:25:41 PM
  • PJ2222
    You are beautiful just the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If they do then, stay away or get away from them.

    Best wishes! emoticon emoticon
    1795 days ago
    Hello you look really good for your age. You may not feel great about your weight and a few things in your life,but only you have the power to change. Have faith in yourself, reward yourself,praise yourself,and forget about what everyone else thinks. Good luck
    1795 days ago
    1795 days ago
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