The "right" feeling
Thursday, April 18, 2013
I went for my job shadow yesterday to see if I was into the job photographing babies. I was so excited about it for days. She told me think about it and email her if I am still interested. There would be some competition getting it, if I did want it. But now after the fact, I am having panic feelings. I didn't sleep well last night thinking about this. Right now I just really want a stepping stone and I am not sure this is a stepping stone. I gotta keep thinking, I am not sure why I am so scared. Or if I am supposed to just keep waiting for something else. I donno what to do. The job was neat to watch. U go in and photograph babies 12 hrs after vaginal birth and 24 hrs after c-section. The parents look so flustered and confused and have no idea how to touch the baby yet. I asked about stillbirths too, cuz I donno how I would deal with that. It is definitively possibility that happens and the parents get a free shoot and cd. I guess I will just give it a few more days and give it some good thought.
I felt sick all day yesterday. For some reason I still went to my dance class and felt like I was cold sweating lol stupid! I seriously believe tho when your sick, the best way to feel better is sweat and just get those crappy toxins out of u. Lay in bed and watch tv, nahhhhh! I do need to calm down though and take it easy. I was on my steroids for over a week cuz my arthritis was acting up. It was but I think I was doing too much as well to make it flare up. I have been calming down the past 2-3 days and I haven't needed the meds. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.
Been staying in my calories the past 3 days. I am trying to go back to basics again. Allow myself two days where if I am over my calories, that is ok (friday and saturday)! Then the other 5 days, your in your calories no if ands or buts about it. I was doing so good there for a bit staying under 157-158. My body just seems to like what it likes and it likes being at 160 no matter what I do. I gave up my running counter for the year. I don't plan on running too much this year. 1-2 days a week for pleasure and therapy sounds right up my alley.