Thursday, April 18, 2013
Yesterday at the gym I was on the Arc machine .. now if you dont know what that it is ... it is like an elliptical machine except it works your thighs and glutes instead of dragging on your calves and ankles... Any ho it is a tough machine for me which is exactly why I use it I get full body workout and feel like i am accomplishing something. when that burn and pain hits I zone out and just stay on the machine for the full half hour ... See how I digress here still not there yet ... *sigh
In the past when things got tough .... I had a million reasons to stop, The biggest one was I am strong enough to be this way . Yes you read that right I had warped thinking .. my strong was I could take feeling bad , I could take the ridicule , I didnt have to change the world could just kiss my A** . So back to yesterday i step off the arc machine and I am walking along and i see it ... the sweat drenched clothes , the defined muscles , the glisten of empowerment ... I go on to do the circuit training and then the hour of intense water training and then the thoughts of return .. it is a thought that i couldnt put my finger on but something was nagging at me through the whole workout ... This morning I have finally figured it out ...
I am different . I have changed my strong to meet the world and now the world can just be a beautiful place. I am stronger than I have ever been before . I faced up the pain of my demons and stepped out on the field only to realize that my fears were of the wrong things for the only thing I ever had to be scared of was my own mentality ... I am obsessed not with being a smaller size or even a weight I am obsessed with the feeling of control and empowerment that I feel now. I can now match every reason why I cant with 2 reasons why I can and do every day .
I use to be one of those invisible people every where that no one saw but everyone ignored now I am that person that people look to for inspiration . I dont say that to blow my own whistle I say it because it is a very humbling thought ... for now I am different .