Today is normally baby girl's and my busy busy busy day. We have Little Gym at 9am and then swimming at noon, so I usually add in a library trip somewhere in the middle. I definitely had to pick up some writing books, and we were looking for some Iron Man books, or "Imma Man" as my daughter calls him. She is LOVE with Iron Man, which makes me proud because I am not enforcing gender stereotypes.
I had been wondering if I wanted to attempt the full day since I knew it was going to be snowing again, but I did have one main motivation: I had a $30 check to cash. I know that doesn't sound like much, but hubby and I are running broke right now and that $30 is SOLELY MY money I earned which doesn't happen often, so I was going to go out and at least get some real lunch for once instead of just peanut butter sandwiches and/or Lean Pockets which I have been eating for weeks. Hot, fast food, but small doses and all calories accounted for. (to be honest, it wasnt that good anyway so not sure why I was so excited to get it, emotional eating I guess, at least it was a smaller portion)
Little Gym was packed, as usual. Caley was yelling at kids and even went so far as to push one other kid down that I'm pretty sure was just trying to hug her. I had to tell her to be nice SEVERAL times and as usual, I hate the judgmental looks from other parents. I caught it, I corrected it, I made her say "sorry." Don't look at me like I have a little gangster baby- she's two.
And concidentally, there was the same little girl there that ALWAYS, in my opinion, bullies Caley (they are two of the oldest in the entire class, same height and everything, and Mom always is fussing over 2 month old in a baby sling not watching her much), so its not like my kid is the only rambucious 2 year old. Last week, that little girl knocked my daughter to the floor she pulled her hair so hard. Her mom didn't even notice. I made her say "please" to me once when I caught her trying to snatch something out of my hand, but honestly, that girl must be suffering from "new baby syndrome" because when she walks in I just tense up and my daughter does too.
During library time, I noticed the snow was still picking up and my throat started to hurt...(grrreeat), so I nixed swimming lessons. I wasn't too thrilled at carrying her in and out of the rec center semi-wet into snow anyway and we are planning to go as a family on Saturday to the rec center so Daddy can play with her in the water too.
I swung by Starbucks, ordered a large drink that I didn't drink any of because it was making my stomach a little sick too. So, at least I got to take those calories off my tracker, but that was a waste of money-oops.
And then daughter and I attempted to relax/clean up a bit. I am always in a constant state of trying to find the best way to do her room. She has so many plastic drawers and boxes full of toys (and smaller pieces of bigger toys that I try desperately to keep all together) that they really do need to be sorted through, but I am procrastinating in case we have more kids.
Besides, she'd rather steal my iPad any ol' day than play with all the toys she has accumlated. And then we do get into a mini-battle because I do not let her be a zoned out technology hooked teenager to the point where she won't even answer me if I ask her a question. Which leads to crying...which leads to quiet time...and I get to blog.
Speaking of (other kids, not iPads), my husband last night, after telling me how proud he was of how well I was tracking everything, said, "maybe you aren't losing any weight because you are growing a baby!"
Hmmm...well that would be nice. We have been trying. But, is it selfish for me to think "dammit, I was doing so good?"
Don't get me wrong, it would be AWESOME! And even though I hit my all time HIGHEST WEIGHT with my daughter I was told by several doctors I was a very good patient. I took care of everything weight related quickly, professionally, constantly asking what else I could do to ensure the safest pregnancy. Every time I freaked out they were not worried at all, because they had seen worse.
I was a very very good patient and all the weight I gained, came off after she was born very quickly. As I have been told it does with overweight pregnant women to begin with.
But, I was just listening to a friend tell me about how much progress she made in only three months. Her pants size went down, she lost close to 20lbs, her inches all went down, and I was a tad bit jealous because I thought "I've been on SparkPeople for about SIX MONTHS and I have yet to lose a solid 10 pounds."
We then got into an argument that Sparkpeople wasn't working and I told her she didn't understand how much it helps BESIDES weight loss, like support, and community, and getting my mental health in order too. She nodded sympathetically, like I was a mental patient, but ALWAYS brought the conversation back to weight.
I'm sorry, but every time I get close to a 10lb loss, I gain some back, or I slip up somehow- pregnancy right now would be um, stressful to say the least. I'd have to do a helluva lot more work on mental health if I wasn't focusing on number crunching in the form of numbers going DOWN (I love it when fitness numbers go up!)
We'll see. I told my husband I am not testing until the end of April because that means, despite my ridiculously long cycles anyway, I should be REALLY CONCERNED that I had not had a period by then. Besides, there has been way too much heartbreak over negative tests in the past when we thought we had done everything right.
So in an attempt to cheer myself up a bit (and get out of the rut of comparing myself to others), I re-did some of my measurements which I hadn't updated since Feb.
I did lose two inches off my waist, and a couple inches off my hips, but my thighs, calves, and arms have remained the same. I think it is because I stopped strength training.
I have to get back to scheduling that in and stop focusing so much on cardio, although that is one area I am particularly proud of so far. Without building muscle I am CLEARLY treading water.
But still, I am glad I can run back to Sparkpeople to look at my progress, not perfection.