First, I want to extend my sincerest and most heartfelt well-wishes to all from the Boston area. I'm still trying to digest this latest assault on our citizens and on our country. For those who lost their lives and /or who were so gravely injured - I can't adequately express my sorrow. This never makes sense - so I've stopped trying - it's just another attack on my consciousness. I love Boston - and I know they will rally - just as we in NYC did after 9/11. A tragedy like this brings out the best in human nature, as we have seen.
I've been away from Sparking for a while. As I described in my last blog - pain and more pain. I did see a knee surgeon - a good one - who confirmed my suspicions that I needed two total knee replacements.....no other treatment would really help the pain long term.
The complication is my history of blood clots. This past weekend, I had a pain in my 'bad' leg so intense - that I was positive I had another clot. After spending 7 hours in the ER - (my doc was away) ..... the tests showed no NEW clots - but I have several 'old' clots up and down my leg....blocking the blood flow in the way a dam blocks a river. Ergo --- the pain and swelling in my leg which comes and goes on a regular basis. This won't ever get better....
Bottom line --- the surgeon will only operate if I get vascular clearance.....and this new news (old clots), leads me to believe that new knees are not in my future. And all the rest of my painful issues..........
I'm trying to spin this in my mind - and sort it all out.....what the future holds, how much pain I can reasonably handle etc. etc. And then there's the inflammatory pain everywhere else! So....I haven't been feeling very social... or hungry.
You'd think the scale needle would go down - but - NO....and that's very frustrating. I must lose weight and just can't. I'm not eating badly - I'm close to conquering my night eating problems - but the weight is just cemented to my bones!!! I can't motivate myself to do chair exercises - or lift weights - or anything! I'm trying so hard to think positively - But right now, I'm thinking of myself as a sick person.
I need to change this loop in my brain - from thinking of myself as a sick person - to thinking of myself as a person with challenges. Challenges that can be managed! This is what I'm trying so hard to do. But first I have to face the realities of my life --- and that they are here to stay. The rest is in my hands.
I think I need a very qualified holistic doctor ---- to review my very complicated situation ----- and to develop a program for me to follow that is realistic; food-wise and exercise-wise.
Does anyone know of such a doctor in NYC that you feel confident enough to recommend?? Please shoot me a SpMail.....if you do.
I'm trying to stay involved with the Sparks community as best I can for now..... For everyone who is having success - congrats!!! For everyone still struggling -- you have my empathy.
Hope to be back in fighting form very soon.
Love and hugs to all.