Wednesday, April 17, 2013
This whole body, weight, spirit, journey has me so frustrating today. I know I am exactly where my experiences have brought me to today. When I question "Why?" I look down at my feet and know I am exactly where I need to be in that moment. I just refuse to accept this weight!
My frustration is that I have felt, since I was 10 when my eating went crazy, that shouldn't I be over all of this by now? I find my "disordered eating" just morphs to something new almost daily.
I am not enjoying the journey of late. I am uncomfortable in this space ship (I call my body.) I continue to refine what I eat, eliminate anything I overeat or binge on. Pretty soon, I will be just drinking water! (snark!) Unfortunately, my eating behaviors seek out volumes of any kind of eatable substance. So I am currently at an all time high weight. (I should have had twins at this weight!)
I rarely reach out because of the intense shame I carry around food and body issues. Time to reach out. I am looking at those feet again and know that posting this message is exactly what I need to do! Typing means I am not eating.....