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A new way

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

“No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. We must learn to see the world anew.” Albert Einstein

Today is my 9th day binge free and I'm really pleased. I've been reading Brain Over Binge, learning so much about how to finally recover from binge eating, and I'm feeling very free from this 31 year issue. One thing the book taught me is that restricting my caloric intake is one of the causes of urges to binge.

So, after several days of consideration, I decided to increase my calories. I added in foods I love, in portions that satisfy me. This doesn't mean gluttony at all. I'm lucky I love healthy foods and I love to get hungry for my meals. But while reading the book, it dawned on me that eating 1500 calories/day is just too low for me. I'm an extremely active person. I work out daily for around 80 minutes, I'm up at 4AM each day, I'm a teacher and am on my feet, and then I run around after my 8 year old once work is done. And I have to say that the added calories have felt wonderful. I enjoy my meals, feel sated but not overly full, get hungry for my next meal in a reasonable time, etc. And no urges to binge! Amazing. It's like I'm having my nuts and eating them too (I don't eat sugar but used to binge all the time on nuts, now I'm incorporating them into my meals in a more generous way).

At the same time, when weighing in this morning, old demons reared their ugly heads. I am up a pound or so and the fear that this new way of eating is not working came right back. I found myself saying, "Uh oh, you are gaining weight. You better go back to 15oo calories right away! This isn't working."

But I calmed down and reminded myself that I've tried the diet/binge cycle for 31 years. I've lost and gained 5-20 pounds over and over again during this time, about 1-2x/year. And it's never worked. Every time I lost the weight, I'd say that it would be the last time, then I'd gain it all back with binges.

Geneen Roth always says that "for every diet, there is an equal and opposite binge". And every time I heard her say that, I'd say, "She's right, but I'm going to make this time different." And then the binging came back.

So I'm going to get back to focusing on all the NSV's that come with living binge free:

I have energy all day for my life
My moods are stable
I'm able to care for my daughter and sick husband with clarity
I sleep better
I wake up hungry
I enjoy all of my meals and snacks fully because I'm hungry for them
I get to eat dinner with my daughter each night because I'm not too full from a binge
I go to bed on time because I'm not full from a binge
I don't experience the post-binge hangovers, bloating, sick stomach and guilt
I don't experience the post-binge self hatred, anger, disgust, etc.

I'm sure there are more but you get the idea.

I'm going to do my best to trust in this process. I'm going to believe that even if my weight goes up a bit at first, it will stabilize and settle down once my body sees that for the first time in 31 years, I'm giving it a consistent and stable amount of calories.

Here is to choosing a saner path and soaking in the pleasure of it all.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOBYCARP 4/25/2013 7:08AM

    It has been my experience that finding the right calorie range for maintenance is a never-ending experiment. I might do well on a specific range for few months, then need to adjust it up or down because the weight starts trending. That's okay.

I suspect that humans are designed to live in a feast or famine environment, which you simulated with diet and binge; but I do better holding intake fairly steady, with small adjustments up or down as needed.

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SHARON10002 4/20/2013 12:13AM

    This is such a great blog, and so easily understood. This is exactly where we all need to be - free from binge eating, emotional eating, and ending the insane diet roller coaster ride we've all been on for so many years!
emoticon Well said! emoticon

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MIRRORBALLMOON 4/19/2013 12:14PM

    Fantastic! It's so great being on this journey with you!

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CURVYDIVA86 4/19/2013 2:23AM

    This is such a great post! I feel like I could have written that part about letting the scale fill you with doubts (temporary ones, at least)... After 7 days of no binges, I was totally bummed to see that I was up a pound on the scale. I whined about it all day to my husband and let it get to me. The next morning, I was down a pound for no apparent reason. Sometimes it really is totally random, and we have to free ourselves from scale anxiety!!

Anyway, it sounds like you are on a great path. Keep it up!!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 4/18/2013 12:12PM

    That is a tremendous amount of progress.....a great victory for you!
Thanks so much for sharing.

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LE7_1234 4/18/2013 11:23AM

    Yay!

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WILSONWR 4/18/2013 9:45AM

    Best of luck in your efforts! Nine binge-free days is a great accomplishment!

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WHISPERINGPINE9 4/18/2013 9:20AM

    emoticon

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MAGGIE101857 4/18/2013 6:18AM

    It is wonderful to hear that you "put on the brakes" with the negative thoughts and took a deep breath. Trust not only in the process, but in yourself! emoticon



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GLORIAMAJDI 4/17/2013 7:59PM

    Yes, absolutely give it time, your body will adapt to the new and better way of eating and you will see results!



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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 4/17/2013 3:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

emoticon

Awesome post Julie. Such great insight on how to take great care of yourself!

Take care and be well!

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PHOENIX1949 4/17/2013 2:53PM

    emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 4/17/2013 2:35PM

    emoticon blog post!!! emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 4/17/2013 2:32PM

    Fantastic blog! I 100% agree that when we are eating healthy and satisfying the needs of our bodies, binging is much less likely. You are just doing great! Good, good attitude. You are making major changes in your life. I'm writing as if I have this issue licked. At the moment I feel far away from binges; like it could never happen again. But actually I've only eaten strictly the way I want to the last 11 days, and definitely have had a binge within the last 8 weeks. My weight is right where I want it now and I'm doing my best to eat very, very healthy. My plan is to make that feeling like I could never binge again become a reality. -Marsha

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MINIUM 4/17/2013 2:05PM

    Consistence and stability is the way to go! Well done!
Thank you so much for mentioning Skinny thinking on your previous blog - I'm listening to it and it's quite interesting.
Just like you, I've decided to enjoy what I think are my favourite foods, pleasure foods, but in moderation, each evening. It used to be one of my trigger situations, once the kids are finally in bed and before doing my homework. So I've decided to use portion-control - I buy the smallest amount of, say, M&Ms and I savour it.
Unlike previously, I don't want to buy in bulk as I know that if I did, I would eat it all in one go. What's funny is that I've realised that I prefer my smoothie to this kind of sweets - I don't like pains au chocolat either. My taste buds are blossoming!
Have a lovely evening! Take care!
Nan

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SUMTHINGSPECIAL 4/17/2013 1:50PM

    I have also noticed - that when I skip a meal - I tend to make it up (and eat much more than I normally would) by eating a lot the next time. I don't know - perhaps skipping is allowing our bodies to be afraid that there may not be more food next time - so eat more!

So glad to hear of your accomplishments - and glad you are finding good advice.

Keep up the good work. You can do this!

Sumay

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HAWTGRANNY2014 4/17/2013 1:43PM

    Good plan and positive thoughts. sounds like you have it all under control. Being positive is one of the best things we can set our minds too. good luck emoticon

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KISAKATT 4/17/2013 1:37PM

    Awesome blog post!! Very insightful and I'm glad you're going to give this stable thing a try, haha. and CONGRATULATIONS on 9 days!!

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SARIANEC 4/17/2013 1:36PM

    It sounds like you are on your way to a healthy life and setting a good example for your daughter. emoticon

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