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I dreamed I was yelling at my mother

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I dreamed last night that I was in a restaurant with my mother and I started making a scene and yelling at her. I wasn't yelling about food, but what I was angry about was food.

Now - this is not likely to ever happen in real life. I'm not a confrontational person, especially with my mother who I love, respect and fear just a tiny bit.

We have a pretty great relationship. She was a single mother until I was 16 when she married my stepdad. I was an only child. It was just me and her and we was like peas and carrots (as Forrest Gump would say). And now we are nextdoor neighbors!

But way down deep, I blame her for my messed up relationship with food. This blame is both justified and not altogether fair. After all, she only taught me by example what she learned from her parents, her mother especially. But she was the responsible adult and maybe she shouldn't have taught me to self medicate with food quite so much.

And guess what I taught my son? Yep. The blame goes both ways. It is my (and my husband's) fault that my son is overweight and too emotionally dependent on food. Period.

My daughter (16) doesn't have quite the same issues. She doesn't always have the healthiest preferences when it comes to food, but she doesn't lean on it excessively for emotional support and is in better shape than any of the rest of us in the family.

So. While I have no intention of yelling at my mother in a public place, it is important for me to face those feelings of anger and blame so that I can let them go and move the heck on.

And in moving on I also work to set a better example for my kids and help steer my son toward a healthier relationship with food.
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  • MAIA2011
    I love the honesty in this post. My food issues are also multi-generational. I am just hoping the Diabetes Type 2 won't be. That is what I am working for.

    1767 days ago
    Interesting. A few times I've had dreams where I'm yelling at my mother, and using all kinds of curse words (which I would normally NEVER say to her) just because I'm *sooo* angry...but I never really stopped to think whether there was a reason behind the dream like you discovered with yours. I will have to think about it next time I have a dream like that. Thanks for sharing this.

    1797 days ago
    What a great, thoughtful post. We are all products of our environments and I would wager that 98% of us came from households with dysfunctional relationships to food. Here's to us breaking that cycle!!!
    1797 days ago
    It's so hard.. But like you say, blame goes both ways..
    1798 days ago
    Heavy sigh - yes I've hardly had a chance w/all the other cr@p going on in my life to explore how my family history contributes to my obesity... (Morbid obesity is rampant on the paternal side of my family)

    And my poor mother (although never obese) has been a compulsive yo-yo dieter her whole life - my maternal grandmother was borderline anorexic, talk about both ends of the spectrum!

    I can clearly see my ex-husband infecting my son w/his fat phobia & orthorexic tendencies; I hope I am setting a better example for him.
    1798 days ago
    Oh how I can relate!!! I can't tell you how many times I've been angry at both of my parents for my relationship with food. My Mom for not teaching me a better way of coping, and my Dad for abandoning our family and making me feel like there was a void that needed to be filled in the first place.

    But as you said, all you can do is break the chain and teach yourself and your family a better way of handling emotions.


    (And it's always surprising to me, but not really, how being on a healthy journey can dig up so much emotional stuff that we have buried so deep down that we never truly even realized that it was there! But I guess that's all part of getting healthy - physically, spiritually, emotionally.)
    1798 days ago
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