Wednesday, April 17, 2013
I dreamed last night that I was in a restaurant with my mother and I started making a scene and yelling at her. I wasn't yelling about food, but what I was angry about was food.
Now - this is not likely to ever happen in real life. I'm not a confrontational person, especially with my mother who I love, respect and fear just a tiny bit.
We have a pretty great relationship. She was a single mother until I was 16 when she married my stepdad. I was an only child. It was just me and her and we was like peas and carrots (as Forrest Gump would say). And now we are nextdoor neighbors!
But way down deep, I blame her for my messed up relationship with food. This blame is both justified and not altogether fair. After all, she only taught me by example what she learned from her parents, her mother especially. But she was the responsible adult and maybe she shouldn't have taught me to self medicate with food quite so much.
And guess what I taught my son? Yep. The blame goes both ways. It is my (and my husband's) fault that my son is overweight and too emotionally dependent on food. Period.
My daughter (16) doesn't have quite the same issues. She doesn't always have the healthiest preferences when it comes to food, but she doesn't lean on it excessively for emotional support and is in better shape than any of the rest of us in the family.
So. While I have no intention of yelling at my mother in a public place, it is important for me to face those feelings of anger and blame so that I can let them go and move the heck on.
And in moving on I also work to set a better example for my kids and help steer my son toward a healthier relationship with food.