Where is my mind?
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
My mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts, questions, to-do's. There is so much going on and it's hard to keep everything straight.
There are some serious, and scary, changes on my horizon. For the past 3 years, I've been the primary breadwinner in my household. My husband has been going to school, and he will graduate this June. My husband really wants me to quit my job. I'm terrified to do this. I have a real issue with taking risks - especially financial risks. I also have an issue with giving over the control. I'm always clawing at whatever shreds of stability I think I have. I do want to quit, and I'm on the same page with him about all the reasons why. But I'm also terrified.
If I quit my job, I'd be taking care of my three children (ages 9, 2.5, 4 months) and the house. It would be so nice to have someone be able to manage the household while the other works. The last few years of both of us working, taking care of our children, hubby going to school, etc. Has left us feeling like our heads are spinning all of the time. I feel that if I could be in charge of "holding down the fort" as it were; our lives would be so much easier.
One of the next big reasons, is that I need to be able to focus on myself a little, and I just do not have the time right now. I'm in a bit of an existential crisis right now. I need the time and ability to focus on OA and what I'm doing with weight loss - physically and mentally.
Finally, I'm looking to go back to school to get my degree. I had enrolled a couple of years ago but had to withdraw after having my daughter due to demands at work + having a newborn. I'm no spring chicken and I really really want to do this.
All this is swirling around my head somewhere in the mix of everything going on at work, looking for a place to move, OA/weight loss related stuff, and normal family/kid/household stuff. Oh .and finances which are stressful right now. Also since I may be applying to get into a university soon, I found that I need to re-take the ACT exam along with a couple of sections of the SAT. So I'm studying for that (I remember like NO math formulas. Ugh)
Oops, gotta run. Just looked at the time...