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    HARTMOM7   7,147
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Buddy is a BLOCK for me!


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I had a HUGE a-ha this morning, and I don't know what to do with it.

My husband noticed that I had been eating yummy food lately, not just healthy, but GOOD. He also had seen me working out, be it in 10-20 minute bursts. I made the mistake of letting him know I 'd lost 13 pounds and he asked "How?". I told him about SP...how excited I am and how helpful the site is, and how hopeful I am, etc. Good thing, right? Wrong.

He "did it with me" for a week or so and lost 4 pounds himself, but of course "My Fitness Pal" is better 'cause it ADDS calories allowed to eat due to exercise, blah, blah, blah. Our son came home from college this weekend and we had our Easter Dinner late...cause I was out of town that day and no one else would cook it, etc. My dear husband put on a few pounds...so did I.

I've felt almost compulsive about my eating the past 4 days. Last night before bed he asked, "Are you still doing that Spark People Thing?" When I said yes he said, "Great, cause I need to get back on it, and I do better when someone else does it with me." THAT moment was when I had my epiphany:

I don't WANT to do SP, IF I have to do it FOR someone else. I mean, a BIG part of my weight gain has been because there are so many people in my life I have to take care of and 'carry'. So much so that I feel I have to BE BIGGER to carry them all, or they will suck me dry. Doing 'that SP thing' WITH or FOR someone else takes all the JOY and SELF-CARE out of my efforts and turns them into CARE-TAKING someone else.

I just want to cry. emoticon I feel so robbed. I gotta get around this hurdle. I guess SEEING is the first step, but I feel caught.

HOW do I emotionally turn this back into ME taking CARE OF ME? How do I tell my dear husband to take care of himself? I can't carry him. I am so TIRED.

And so I cry the cosmic, "HELP".
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COCACOLA2 5/12/2013 9:19AM

    I left a message(idea) on the forum site posting, hope it helps. Have a Happy Mother's Day.

Comment edited on: 5/12/2013 9:20:36 AM

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HARTMOM7 4/19/2013 11:53AM

    Thanks for the input. I did post out on a forum and got some ideas there as well.

Competitions are OUT for me...gotta organically make the lifestyle changes that are right for me. Once turned into a competition, I'm OUT.

But I DID see something about GEOCACHING on someone else's blog. I could do THAT WITH my husband and be okay.

I just gotta find a way around the food prep issues, and keep re-framing my thinking till it feels more natural to take care of myself and not him.

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SUMTHINGSPECIAL 4/17/2013 7:57PM

    Look - you started this - so you own it. Don't make it sound more negative than it is. What I mean is - you started first - you started doing what was right for you. YOU were a good example to your husband and he took the bait - and now he is also trying to achieve the same results. It is not necessarily a negative thing. You are a pioneer!

There's no reason why you can't keep going on - but when you blog - when you do your exercise - do it for you - because it is good for you. Keep doing it because it makes you feel strong and more alive. Along the way - encourage him to do good as well.

Many women do things at the suggestion of their husbands - whether they like it or not. My Mom tried to lose weight because dad wanted her to - she used pills, weight watchers, this diet or another. She never made a lasting difference. However - your husband wants to do it because you are such a shining example. HE IS IMPRESSED! I mean, if that isn't awesome, I don't know what is!

I know it is hard - and sometimes we just want to do things on our own. There's no reason why this can't be your journey - doing what is right for you - and he is on his own journey - with you by his side. Just make sure you set your own goals - and you keep track of them. Then, it is all yours to keep (and re-adjust as necessary).

You can do this!

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RX_2_RV 4/17/2013 11:44AM

    That is such a hard position to be in. You want him to be healthy, but you need this for YOU. I think it is important to remember that you were doing (and can continue to do) SP regardless of what he was doing. You ARE doing this for you. He can think it is for him...ultimately, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks....just you.

A couple of ideas to consider, if you want to turn your thinking around:
1) Ask him for support...let him help take care of you instead of the other way around. I am in a care-giving situation with my husband. It makes him feel better about himself, not so dependent, when he can help me. I ask him for help with my goals by not having certain foods around, not tempting me by offering to take me out to dinner, buy me flowers instead :) or to go on walks with me when he feels well enough to do so. Think about ways that your hubby can help YOU and ask for his help. You don't always have to be the strong one...lean on him for a change.

2) If it would be FUN for you, make it into a competition. The first person to lose ___% of body weight gets to spend $50 on a new piece of clothing, gets a back rub from the other...whatever you decide.

Also, you might get more and better ideas by posting this question on the message boards. There are always a few "odd" responses, but most responses are thoughtful and kind.

Wishing you much success in achieving your goals!

Jane

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