Wednesday, April 17, 2013
I just got struck with a thought about how you never 100% “Know” people. We only present whatever side we wish to share to others. I am trying to keep that in mind whenever I access the internet or hear a bunch of gossip. I am willing to bet real money that everyone’s “perfect” lives aren’t so great.
I have been on Spark for almost two years now, not sure if I have ever mentioned my family or upbringing besides the fact that we always ate outside of the home and never healthy. I really don’t want to get into it, but I can tell you that the truth about all of this would shock you. I think I can hold the people who really know about it in the palm of one of my hands – and that would mainly be my BF who has been exposed to it over and over again and has still stuck with me (bless his heart).
I’m telling you this in some sort of rationalization about what happened to me yesterday. Some family stuff went down, I got so stressed to the point of tears at work, and I decided to go to the gym instead of crying. I walked on the treadmill for a half hour, briskly (for my little legs) between two people running at full sprints. Instead of being down on myself for not being a sprinter, I tried to focus on how LUCKY I was to be working at a job that gives me a free gym, and I have two legs to walk on, and I have clean water to drink after working out and food to eat that I packed for a healthy lunch.
After all of that, my BF and I decided that it was time to chat/confront my parents about a few things and pretty much the only way to get them to do that is to go out to eat. I know. It is like bribery with food. And it works. They wanted to go to Outback, and we did. BF and I had a beer before they got there and my parents ordered a blooming onion, which I ate a little bit of because our waiter was awful and the service was so slow. Now normally I would just do this for dinner, not make myself look at the nutritional facts, and move along. Last night – I TRACKED EVERYTHING. I went over my daily limit. I can see it in front of my face, plain as day. I have probably been sabotaging all of my other good efforts like this for some time now. Sticking with AINT is not pretty, but it is HONEST and it is showing me what is real. I am also now thinking about how I tried to make good choices last night – a plain small steak and broccoli – but how everyone around me had total calorie bombs. Outback is a walking heart attack! Anyways…
Needless to say, we had our chat with my parents and I learned a lot all around. I think committing to this tracker is going to help me own up in a big way. It is time to be honest with ourselves and the world around us, every day, every way. Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain is a lesson!
I feel like this blog wouldn’t be complete without some commentary on the Boston Marathon. I know everyone is all about it right now and I’m just bandwagoning, but my heart is still heavy from the events. Those people worked so hard, were SO resilient, faced so many challenges in their lives and overcame them for this one day… and some selfish idiot had to try to take it all away. I picture someone sitting at home, watching TV, and feeling satisfied that they caused so much hurt and destruction – and that is what really boils my blood. I know that there are scores and scores of good people in this world, but there are still evil and self centered people too. We need to come together and spread more good in this world people. Please? Kindness and good unto others? I’m not a religious person by any means but I try to think of others, respect them, and be helpful to the universe. Is it really so hard? I know our human instinct is survival and that makes some people do crazy things, but shouldn’t we also be concerned about everyone else’s survival? Or are we really that selfish inside? Just sayin’… seems like everyone forgot about their neighbors somewhere along the way. Why does it take events like this to remind us of not just the bad but of the good people in the world too? The unsung heroes? I think we should try to be more like the people running TOWARDS the injured versus AWAY. Now I’m not saying we should just give away everything to everyone with less… I’m saying just be KIND today. You never know when a single word or smile can change the events of the day.
And with that… moving on to a positive future. Right?!?!?!