I Cried Today :(
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
I've been at this healthy journey since January. I have lost 35 lbs, lost inches, and dropped sizes. I thought I had my eye opening moment already. Well I was wrong. That moment came today.
I was cleaning out my closet, taking out clothes that are too big for me to wear now. It was a great feeling trying on jeans and seeing that they don't fit. I ended up with 3 pairs of jeans and have to get rid of 8. But that is not what made me cry.
I took a pair of jean capris off from the shelf and checked the size. They were a 23/24 in plus sizes. Shock came over my face. I vaguely remember buying a pair of jean capris last year that were snug and my husband suggested to get a bigger size. This had to be them. I reluctantly put them on, took a look in the mirror and burst into tears. They were super big on me but that didn't matter. What should have been a happy moment for me was one riddled with shame.
How could I let myself get that big? How could I think it was okay to just "get a bigger size"? Why didn't I see the damage I had done to myself? Why didn't I wake up sooner and make a change?
I don't know why. I don't have the answer. I know what I need to do now. I need to stay on this journey and keep losing weight and living healthy. I WILL NOT LET MYSELF GET LIKE THAT AGAIN!
I had my daughter take a picture of me in those way too big capris. I need it as a permanent reminder that I will not go back down that road again. That road of shame is behind me.
I remembered that there is a picture of me on my FB page wearing those capris. I was taken 8/31/12. I was much larger then and even though I look happy I know I wasn't.
I'm going to post both pictures and with the end of this blog say bye bye to the old Amy.
August 31, 2012 size 23/24 capris
April 16, 2013 now size 20 jeans wearing size 23/24 capris
**Please excuse my house shirt & slippers in the above pic