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i want a baby!!!!!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I don't know what is going on with my hormones or ovaries but I am feeling some baby fever! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I just told Derrell that on the phone and his shocked silence made me crack up laughing. He has brought up the idea of babies before and I have always said that we need to enjoy being married for a while and work on increasing the income before we consider it. So for me to be saying it, all he could do was respond with a "Wow."

I don't know what it is. Maybe it is my mind's way of letting me know I am emotionally ready to parent again after losing my daughter to a terminal illness three years ago. I know for sure that I am mentally and emotionally healthy enough to entertain the idea and just six to eight months ago I could honestly say I was not.

I keep envisioning Derrell as a dad and its like I immediately start ovulating. emoticon (I am a frequent TMI offender). I am just so excited because I know he is going to be an amazing daddy and I am eager to show our children a healthy African American marriage. I didn't have that growing up. In my community, it is not that we don't have healthy relationships. Quite the contrary. We tend to be really conservative with how we view relationships in that we could be with the same person for years upon years, living together and raising children, but never get married. That was my parents. They were together through high school up until my mom was 25 and on and off for years after that. My aunt was with her kids dad for 14 years. My brother was with his kids mom for 15 years. Not a single wedding. It doesn't mean we don't get married but it is just different in our community and I want my kids to see a God-fearing couple who are in love with each other and passionate about our relationship.

Realistically, it is probably not the time. We get married in less than 5 months and we need to spend time with each other as husband and wife because kids AND marriage change the relationship dynamic. My boss also recently told me that she wants to move me to a Vice President role by this time next year and I want to make sure I am committed to getting there because ultimately that will benefit my family. I can't do that pregnant; I have a medical condition that requires me to go on bed-rest at week 10 of gestation through term (Severely incompetent cervix). My pregnancies are not something that "just happen", they must be planned because it takes a village to keep me pregnant.

Knowing all of these things, I know I need to wait but I can't shake the desire to feel a kick in my tummy or to hear a baby crying.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Before getting married last summer I was hit with baby fever. I think it's because your "Settling" down. You have this great guy and you've talked about having a family. We made a choice to wait until we had been married at least a year to start trying. While baby fever still hits every so often, I think it's good we are enjoying each other first. That way we can show our baby what a good healthy, happy relationship is. Congrats though, it sounds like everything is starting to fall into place, family and work. It's rare when that happens so enjoy the moment.
    1768 days ago
    Excellent blog as usual! emoticon
    1768 days ago
    Oh I know that feeling....I totally hear you.
    I was like that until I got my last baby! Now I'm good. It's definitely God's way of helping you "feel" ready. There's no rush...heck, I didn't even have my first kid until I was've got time sister.
    I know that gut feeling of wanting to feel the baby and weepy with happiness when you see someone else's new baby. I used to tell Serle my uterus was doing flips.
    I was like that for about4 years until I had Adia... I'm finally at a place where I am done. I feel complete. You will too....when you get there.
    1769 days ago
  • -RUBIES-
    I love the heart of your blog.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1769 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    God will give you what you want in His time girly. You're going to be an amazing mom and your child will be able to see how beautiful Black love is.
    1769 days ago
    You have such a great head on your shoulders and your strength is amazing!
    This intense desire could very well be hormones.. As you are burning fat, you are realeasing a lot of that stored estrogen. When I lost my weight the last time, I was a ball of emotions.
    Good luck with everything and keep up the good work! emoticon
    1769 days ago
    When the time is right your body will be blessed with a baby. Good luck!
    1769 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    It will happen when the time is right! And you two will be perfect parents! emoticon
    1769 days ago
  • MIRFA71
    All the very best to your marriage, promotion, the baby and your health.
    1769 days ago
    Wonderful that you are thinking it through! And it is nice that you are getting to the point of wanting to have another baby after the passing of your angel.

    When it is time, you will know. emoticon
    1769 days ago
    I'm glad you are thinking this through. A friend of mine has the same problem with her cervix as you and had a beautiful little boy in February. It sounds like you have a lot to consider! It will happen when the time is right. I can visualize you as a mom and it's such an emoticon picture!! Patience for now. One step at a time!!! Enjoy that wedding first since you've worked so hard preparing for it! emoticon
    1769 days ago
    Your body will tell you when it's time & it sounds like it is. Best luck to you.
    1769 days ago
    aw yay! Congratulations. It's a big thing to decide you are ready to have babies again after losing a child. I can't even imagine the pain that caused. Bringing a new life into the world is beautiful thing and I look forward to reading about your experience with pregnancy when you and Darryl decide the time is right!
    1769 days ago
  • CAROLYN0107
    Your health must be tops now that you've lost so much weight. It is great that you want to have a healthy God-fearing marriage to bring up children. Work towards that promotion, get married and then have a child. Blessings.
    1769 days ago
    all the best may your hopes be fulfilled
    1769 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    When the time comes, I know you and your hubby will make great's smart of you to think about everything that you want to have in place before bringing a child into the world...however, it works out, good luck on everything!
    1769 days ago
    Well when it's time there is nothing to do realistically but to go with it....I enjoy looking a pregnant women and the joy of the "big event" to come. My daughter is pregnant and in less than 3 weeks I will be a granny once again and I am excited. Now I got to spread the
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    God bless,

    1769 days ago
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