Its been a long, long time since I logged into Spark and wrote a blog entry. I went back and read my last entry with wonder, amazement, and deep sadness. I've come a long way since I last wrote. So much has changed. How do I put it, in brief?
I am still in Kenya, although I have been back to the USA twice since I last wrote. Bernhard, whom I once called my best friend, the same man who brought me to Kenya, died last summer from a pulmonary embolism. Sadly we'd had a falling out and weren't speaking by that time. Its very painful to know that he died before we had a chance to resolve our differences.
Around the same time I wrote that last blog entry, I met a new man, and I fell in love. I went back to the USA in August, but I returned to Kenya in by the end of September, and in October, I married Ishmael. We made our home in his birthplace, a small rural village in Western Kenya. Through out all this I continued to lose weight slowly and steadily, although I had no scales to track my progress with. In June 2012 I paid 5 shillings to weigh myself on a public scale, and discovered I was at my lowest weight ever - 185 lbs. A total of 130 lbs lost. Then something truly miraculous happened. I got pregnant. I don't know if I ever blogged about it before, but I wasn't supposed to be able to GET pregnant again. (I have one biological son, but my second son is adopted.) But, April 2nd, 2013 I gave birth to a perfect, healthy baby girl! My precious new daughter, Patricia!
I named my daughter Patricia, after my mother, who passed away on January 24th. She had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Christmas Eve, but we thought we had time... at least 3 - 6 months. But she went in for surgery to insert a stent in her pancreas. The surgery went great, but then she got pnemonia. Three months turned into three days, and she was gone. I was already in the process of trying to get tickets home to see her, but I couldn't get there in time.
Right now, I don't know what my weight is. I last weighed myself when I was 9 months pregnant and at home in the USA at 215 lbs. A set of bathroom scales is on my wish list of things to buy. Physically I have recovered beautifully from childbirth, but emotionally I'm really struggling. I think its a bit more than just the post-pardom blues... I think I put off processing my mother's illness and death so that I could focus on having this baby. Now that baby has arrived safe and sound all the other stuff I put off for the last few months has come pouring down on me.
My mom's death and the birth of my new baby have really brought home to me the importance of taking care of my body and my health. I always thought, "If something happens to me, my mom will take care of my kids." Now my mom is gone. I'm all they've got. I've been thinking about that a lot as I have been awake all night every night with little Patricia, and that's what eventually made me remember Spark People, and decide to log back in for the first time in nearly two years.
The picture I'm posting was taken when I was seven months pregnant,along with my husband, Ishmael.