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    ASILENNA   7,078
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I feel numb and lost

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I feel like I am flosting above myself trapped in some horrible bad dream. I had such an awesome weekend, and then yesterday turned into a nightmare. I went for my walk, and came back feeling really motivated and great, just to turn on the TV and see the news showing what happened in Boston. So, now I have a heavy heart and feeling so bad for all those affected by what happened. Still, I go through my day, forcing a smile. Then at 7:44 pm, my step sister called me to tell me my dad passed away. I knew this call was coming, but I was totally unprepared for it. I have been crying since. I woke up this morning, hoping it had just been a bad dream. I am numb, I feel so lost, I want to cry and can feel myself choking up, but the tears won't come. I know the pain of losing my grandparents, but this pain is so much harder to deal with. I really just don't know how to pick up the pieces.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HDHAWK 4/16/2013 8:44PM

    I'm sorry for your loss. emoticon

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ASILENNA 4/16/2013 8:08PM

    Stay39, you're right. I am definitely Daddy's girl. I am his only daughter. Due to circumstances beyond either of our controls, he and I missed out on 10 years when I was growing up. I didn't get to see him until I was 18 and no longer under my mother's thumb, so we had been making up for it since. I knew he was sick and I knew that my step sister (who lives near him and has been taking care of him) would be calling with that dreaded news, but you are right, I was not prepared for it.

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STAY39 4/16/2013 7:35PM

    I am so so sorry for your loss! For a little girl to lose her daddy at any age is such a huge loss! I don't think you can ever be prepared for that. I know I will never be! May your memories of his love put a smile on your face in time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ASILENNA 4/16/2013 3:50PM

    Thank you everyone for the kind words and the hugs. I'm sure what I feel right now. the morning was tough to get through, and I don't know how this afternoon will go. I am just taking everything one moment at a time. I don't want to eat (though I know I have to eat something) and I definitely don't feel up to working out; at least not right now. Maybe I will do some yoga later, just to get some kind of exercise in.

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RFJSJ50 4/16/2013 2:06PM

    You and your loved ones are in my prayers. emoticon

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ELIZABETH5268 4/16/2013 1:13PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you can take this time to lean on friends and family to get through it. I know it's different but when my grandmother passed away I focused on the family that came from out of town who I don't get to see often and spent a lot of quality time with them to get a positive from such a sad situation.

You're in my thoughts

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JPAMPY 4/16/2013 12:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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FITCOFFEEMOM357 4/16/2013 12:41PM

    emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 4/16/2013 12:27PM

    Oh, my - to have two significantly heavy events hit you at once.......I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling and going through right now......please know that your fellow Sparkies care!

emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 4/16/2013 12:23PM

    I've lost both my parents (my dad just last July). The sudden loss of each of them was the hardest thing I've ever had to face.

Right now the only thing you can do is just let your loved ones support you and remember that God is surrounding you with his comforting presence...think of his loving arms wrapped around you. His son died too, so he understands your grief and pain.

Please know that I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

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BROOKLYN_BORN 4/16/2013 12:16PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I was "Daddy's girl" and when he died 15 years ago a colleague consoled me with "those who have lost a parent are members of a special club. We know how it feels"

The general sadness today has made it even worse for you. Take care of yourself. I read your 5K blog. Congratulations on that achievement and remember that your Dad would be proud of you.

Eileen

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HFAYE81 4/16/2013 11:57AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father 10 years ago, it was like my world had been turned inside out. It's a pain that doesn't really lose its sting. My thoughts are with you. emoticon

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 4/16/2013 11:33AM

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