Tuesday, April 16, 2013
With much sadness today due to the tragedy events at the Boston Marathon. We all need a little humor to lighten the rest of the night.
Found these while reading the Readers Digest. Enjoy.
1. No More Meat!
The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!' " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month -- until you loathe it." When the woman finished, she paused, looked up and said, "Hey, isn't that the Atkins diet?"
2. Bland Diet Food
My sisters and I have weight problems and are always sharing diet tips. One day my oldest sister was showing us a low-fat cookbook and pointed out a chicken dish she had tried the night before. Reading the ingredients, I commented, "It looks like it would taste really bland."
"It did," she replied, "until I added cheese and sour cream."
3. In Good Company
My daughter couldn't muster the willpower to lose unwanted pounds. One day, watching a svelte friend walking up our driveway, she lamented, "Linda's so skinny it makes me sick."
"If it bothers you," I suggested gently, "why don't you do something about it?"
"Good idea, Mom," she replied. Turning to her friend, she called out, "Hey, Linda, have a piece of chocolate cake."
4. The Old-School Approach
The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. "How'd you do it?" we asked. "Easy," she said. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock
5.A Sad Place
Following his motivational talk at a Weight Watchers meeting, my father noticed one client's small son climbing onto a scale. "Don't go on that, Joey," warned the boy's slightly older brother. "It makes people cry.
I hope you all enjoy these.
Quote for the day:
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.