Monday, April 15, 2013
I did some "yoga" today! It wasn't really yoga. It was more like, stretching as if I had just woken up. And breathing purposefully for a couple minutes. But it was a toe in the water. I just get so overwhelmed at how un-athletic I am- no strength, no endurance, no flexibility. I want to do yoga, but I want to feel like I'm making progress, which when EVERYTHING seems so hard and so tiring, it takes a while to see that something has gotten a little less difficult if it still kicks your butt. So just doing a tiny bit of stretching and breathing and nothing taxing was encouraging. I know that to make progress, I have to put in the work. But I need some little signs of hope to help push me. I'm hoping to keep it up with the super easy stuff (the only stuff I can do), to give me a little confidence to push harder, and work out longer.
I realized today, I have a REALLY difficult time pushing myself. I think it is because growing up, school/academics came easily to me, so I got used to seeing results for my efforts, which would help me stay motivated to press on. Depression makes it even more difficult to have endurance, which has in turn, made me more depressed in the past I think. That combined with some past really restrictive diets that completely backfired, I get agitated pretty quickly when I try to be too in control of what I eat (as opposed to just trying to listen to my body). So sometimes I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere.