Monday, April 15, 2013
So I woke up this morning with the intent on having a good Monday. I'm 4 hours into my day, though, and my mood has crashed and burned. I'm trying to turn it around for the rest of the day but so far I'm still sitting here feeling frustrated, sad, and lonely.
Here's what set me off...
I've been dating this guy somewhat since December. He has said repeatedly that he does not want anything serious, but his actions reflect anything but. We talk on the phone quite frequently, often spending 8 - 10 hours on the phone every week. We talk about everything under the sun, some topics serious, other days just joking around. And despite the distance (he lives almost 500 miles away) - we've managed to see each other 4 times since December. He got me a really nice gift for Valentine's day - and I haven't had a Valentines Day gift since 2003. He's supposed to be coming to visit me for my birthday next week.
But with all of that - he's reiterated it time and time again that he does not want anything serious. During our phone conversation today, this topic came up again...and of course I received the usual spiel on how he's "good on not having a relationship" and he doesn't want anything serious and is not open to it. I'm not in the business of changing minds...so I don't even try.
I've realized that I'm going to have to be the one to break this thing off, because he's not going to do it (I've given him the "out option" on more than one occasion and he won't take it), but yet and still he doesn't want anything serious. I just don't understand why I can't get this whole relationship thing to work in my favor for once in my life. I've been single for over ten years now, and I keep hearing how "I'm such a great girl"...but if I'm such a great girl, why can't I find a guy who likes me for me and wants to keep me around?
I'm sooooo sick and tired of being lonely and alone.