Monday, April 15, 2013
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. The doctor who delivered me told my mom to put me on a diet the day I was born weighing 10 pounds 12 ounces and I have been on a diet ever since. The result of this life long diet is this- I am morbidly obese and obsessed with food. No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to stay on track. I crave sweets and soda and chips and crackers. I have told myself for years that I am a food addict, and that unlike most addictions I cannot simply stop because I need food to survive. This makes food addiction impossible to overcome and so I really have no hope of ever being thin. Other morbidly obese people in my life say the same thing and we all validate one another and share the frustration of never achieving the results we want.
But yesterday I had an epiphany. I am not addicted to apples. I am not addicted to asparagus or red peppers or chicken breasts. There are a lot of foods that I can very happily eat and not over indulge on. I am not a food addict I am a junk food addict and I can quit eating junk food! Moderation is not a concept that will work for me. I have tried it and failed every time. I honestly have an addiction, and just as an alcoholic cannot have an occasional glass of wine, I cannot have an occasional soda or candy bar.
This epiphany is both liberating and terrifying. I have just invalidated my last and greatest excuse. I have hope for the first time in years because I know that if I can just give up the foods that I am addicted to I can still eat and enjoy food. I expect other people to be strong enough to overcome their addictions so I have to be strong enough to overcome mine.
I have been doing a mental inventory of the grocery store. Refined carbohydrates are in every aisle. Even in the produce section they are sneaking in extra flavors in apples and sweetened nuts and crunchy salad toppings. The task before me is huge. I need to rework the foods I am eating and preparing for my family. I need to make major changes. I need to clean out my kitchen and start over. It is going to be a long and difficult process but I will do this- for my health and for my family.