I've been wanting to blog about this - probably my most unhealthy, excess weight producing behavior - and it's taken me a while to sort it out in my head so that it makes some sense.... enough maybe to encourage someone else who also wrestles (or wrestled) with this.
Over the years, during periods of time when I was not paying much attention to my eating habits, usually at the end of the day (but not always) when the house was quiet, maybe just before going to bed, I would hit the fridge (or the pantry). I could consume an enormous amount of calories in a very short time. What was I feeding? What was I feeling? Was I looking for comfort where it could never be found? This much I know....
* That habit (among other things) was causing weight gain.
* Acid reflux was disturbing my sleep.
* I felt guilty & disgusted with myself after such mindless overeating.
* I never felt comfort from a binge (if that's what I unconsciously sought).
* The more weight I gained, the less healthy/agile/energetic I felt.
* I've come to regard those binges as self-abuse.
I'm older now, and getting older by the day... and I don't want my later years to be marked by the health issues that excess weight can cause (I'm lucky so far). I think it is specifically this thinking that now finds me able to say that I have not indulged in that late night, mindless binge eating since joining SparkPeople in February of this year. I'm more concerned about preserving my good health with proper nutrition, than reaching a certain weight, and that makes me patient with the process. (Also, spending time on the SP site keeps me out of the kitchen!) Every night when I go to bed, I am thankful for the ways in which I treated myself well, and think about ways I might do better. And every day when I rise, grateful for another day, I promise myself to do the same.
I've done all kinds of diets before (more than once)... nothing stuck. With every diet attempt, even with a good determined start, eventually I felt restricted & deprived (Why can't I eat like everyone else??!!) And another diet would end in a mindless eating binge! So what's different this time?... those obesity-related health issues are possibly closer to my door? Or have I finally come to realize that for me to be healthy does not necessarily mean fitting into a size 10.
WELL, MAYBE AN OLD DOG CAN LEARN NEW TRICKS! I've been with SP for seven weeks without a late night binge episode. I've been counting calories, exercising more consistently, and enjoying the challenge of balancing the nutritional components of my daily food intake. I find those SP trackers and charts invaluable. I'm eating healthy, feeling stronger... and losing weight besides (can't deny the thrill of losing weight)! I've been away for a few days at a time, I've had birthday cake, I've eaten in restaurants. I enjoyed the traditional specialties of our Easter dinner. I don't feel deprived. I've enjoyed moderate (sometimes skimpy) portions of anything I really desired... and tracked it all at the end of the day. True, some days were not great, but I'm not trying to be perfect - I'm trying to be healthy.
OH, LORD, PLEASE DON'T LET THIS OLD DOG FALL OFF THE WAGON AND GO SLINKING OFF WITH ITS TAIL BETWEEN ITS LEGS!!!!!
Thanks to all Sparkers... I've found so much motivation, inspiration and encouragement here!