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    WINDSONG26   101,086
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4/14/13

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Okay, so it's still been a lot of the same song and dance the last couple weeks. Not eating right, not exercising. And I've been paying for it and let me tell you I'm getting pretty mad at myself. I shouldn't, but I am. I'm almost to the point of throwing in the towel because it seems that no matter what I do or what I try, I go back to being a lazy bum who eats too much and hates herself. Yesterday I found I was up 2 pounds from last week and let me tell you I was pissed. I called myself a cow and told myself I need to learn how to put down the fork. Really mean, I know. I need to work on how I talk to myself. But I was upset. I'm still upset. I did my measurements this morning and I'm not thrilled. But I guess I need to redirect that angry energy and do something about it. Again, something I am trying to work on. Anyway, I'm going to post a few more things here before I close. I'm going to post a letter to myself for the next 10 weeks and my BLC beginning measurements as well as a picture of myself in my wedding dress I took a few days ago because some people have wanted to see it and it will serve as my beginning photo for this BLC 18 challenge. Although, I'll warn everyone my hair looks like crap cuz it was still drying when the picture was taken. So, here it all is.

Letter:
Dear self; Stop being so angry at yourself. You've made mistakes, you've paid for them, it's time to move on. You've forgiven those in your past that have hurt you, now it's time to forgive you and let go. You can do this, remember that. You are capable of far much more than you give yourself credit for and it's time to prove it to yourself and the world. You want to look great on your wedding day and you want to start a family, so do it! You can!

Measurements:
Weight: 287.6 Waist: 47.5 Hips: 52 Neck: 16 Chest: 47 Thigh: 31 Calf: 19.5 Forearm: 12.5 Upper Arm: 18 BMI: 49.5 Body Fat: 60.3% (really not happy about these numbers. At all)

Picture:
Like I said, the hair is not pretty, but here's me in my wedding dress that mostly fits. I hope to have to have it adjusted IN by the we do say "I do".
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEMLOVA29 4/17/2013 12:07PM

    You look gorgeous in your beautiful dress!

Don't give up on yourself. Your soon to be husband wouldn't give up on you, so you need to learn a lesson from him! Your supporters here are absolutely right - hating on yourself isn't going to benefit you at all. We have to remind ourselves sometimes (or all the time in my case) that we can't expect success overnight and this journey is long and hard. But your hard work WILL pay off. Allow yourself to have bad days/weeks once in a while - even if you have to have 100 bad days you still must pick yourself up and carry on and try again. You will never succeed if you don't try. I can relate as I am really struggling too right now. Someone here told me that I need to look in the mirror every day and tell myself at least 3 things that are positive. I started out with just one thing and I couldn't believe how difficult it was to look into my own eyes and be nice. In doing this I actually realized there are a few things I indeed do like about myself - I was shocked. Maybe you should give that a try. It is helping me actually love myself the way I pretend to other people that I always have.

Hang in there buddy, you are totally worth the hard work and if there's an area you think is giving you a ton of grief, never forget that you have a great team standing beside you all the way who want to see you achieve and be your absolute best. Not just for your wedding day, or for your future children, but for YOU! It's all yours baby, and today is a great day to start fresh. Ask for advice in those problem spots and I'm sure 100 people will jump at the chance to share what works for them. You can do this, I totally believe in you and I'm right here with ya.

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PATTYKLAVER 4/16/2013 7:24AM

    Your dress is beautiful and you are going to be a beautiful bride. Your other half loves you - you need to remember to love yourself.

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MIRMIUM 4/15/2013 9:53AM

    Such a pretty dress and I think you look great in it hair drying or not :) You can see some nice definition at your waist!

I do the negative self talk thing to myself too and it's not easy to stop....even though all the negative talk does is make us feel crappier and crappier and therefore less like exercising. I'm trying to do an about face on that right now by focusing on the things that I AM doing right. Can you make a few small changes in your daily life that aren't incredibly challenging? Try bringing fruit as snacks at work or drinking more water, then at least you can tell yourself hey I've made SOME healthy changes and you'll feel less angry at yourself for not launching into the big changes.

Small changes can add up to a big lifestyle change and pounds coming flying off! We can do this!

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KOFFEENUT 4/14/2013 10:12PM

    You have proven so many times that you are able to do what you set your mind to. It isn't always easy or fast, but you have the determination to do ONE SMALL THING and do it consistently until you're ready to add ANOTHER SMALL THING. They add up and take you where you want to go. You are a powerful woman. Now go out there and make it happen - and know we're right beside you, cheering you on!

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LAILATN 4/14/2013 9:16PM

    Beautiful dress! When I hear people talk about themselves that way, though, I want to ask - would you talk to the person you loved most in the world that way? Of course not. So please forgive yourself, and tell yourself that a new day brings new chances to make healthy choices. You don't have to make healthy choices ALL the time - how about 80%? And then save your indulgences for the remaining 20%. Just a thought. I know I tend to binge when I tell myself "You CAN'T have that."
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DISTINCT772 4/14/2013 12:59PM

    Your wedding dress is beautiful, just like you. Negative talk leads to negative action. Be happy with who you are no matter what size you are. Be positive and get positive results. Have a great day no matter what you do.

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FITMOMINNJ 4/14/2013 12:27PM

    All that self bashing your doing is only keeping you in that maze of not taking care of yourself and hating yourself even more. Start with ONE thing positive. You can break this cycle, one day at a time. No matter if the dress is taken in or not, you deserve so much better than your giving yourself. emoticon emoticon

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