Gratitude, Day 5...
Saturday, April 13, 2013
I've noticed a similar thread in a few blogs I've read these past few days. I knew exactly where these people were coming from, because I've felt exactly that way for the vast majority of my life. When someone I meet someone i know and for some reason he or she doesn't want to stop and chat, doesn't give me that big, cheery smile they usually do, or just walks on with barely a word of acknowledgement, I always felt it was because I'd done something wrong, had upset them in some way, or they just didn't want anything to do with me.
Just one person not greeting me as they would usually do was enough to make me feel depressed all day, and I can't count the number of nights I lay awake worrying about what I'd done or hadn't done, what I'd said or hadn't said... you get the idea.
What's that got to do with gratitude? Nothing. Why did I write about it? Because I have noticed the past few weeks that a subtle change in the way I see and feel about those moments has taken place, and is still happening. I realized I've had a really negative opinion of my own worth for so long, and that I attributed everyone's brief conversations with me as being my fault.
I never even stopped to wonder why those people didn't smile, didn't want to talk, didn't look happy, often stressed... it was just 'my fault'. I very rarely stopped to wonder why they were looking so down, what had gone wrong, if they were unwell...My mother used to tell me that in order to love and be loved by others, we first have to love ourselves. Spark People has somehow, without my noticing, started me back on the track of learning to love myself all over again, to accept that I will have good and not so good days, that the way I handle those days is up to me - I can let them drag me down, or I can do something to fix the problem.
Spark People does more than change people's BMI, change unhealthy eating patterns to healthy, it can help us take steps to change our lives for the better, if we only allow it to.
That is what I am so thankful for today.