Saturday, April 13, 2013
Brace yourselves, this could be an ugly one.
First, let me begin by stating clearly that I am not blaming anyone for my over-eating indulgences and related high caloric blunders. I am of course responsible for my own actions, and I am at least somewhat proud to state that these days more than half the time I am taking the right actions when it comes to food and behaviors consistent with my weight loss goals. Still, there is work to be done and improvements to be made.
Ok, so now that I got all that out, I must report, with some frustration, that I have identified yet another trigger for my eating misadventures: my wife. Now, I know what you are thinking, or even, what I would think if I were the reader and not the writer, but please hear me out. First off, she means no harm and works hard with me to help me keep the pounds off. She is a fine coach, and I probably would be lost without her. Still, there are times when I just become so frustrated with the garden variety issues of parenting and marriage that I just want to hit the road and find a diner. Or a cream puff. Or a pizza. Or whatever. And sometimes I do. And, again, it is not her fault. As a matter of fact, it is not a matter of fault at all. It is merely a matter of patterns. I really need to thread some new materials into the pattern comprising my fabric of character. For I am flawed, but changing.
I do not know whether this makes any sense at this point, so I suppose I will end it in stating, definitively, that my behavior patterns (ex: eating or stuffing my resentments and frustrations) need to change if I am to lose weight and more importantly, gain life. My coping mechanisms are flawed and food has been a reliable, however imperfect, remedy in the form of an escape. It no longer works or serves any purpose other than to keep the wheels of failure and frustration rolling along.
As for good news, I have a tidbit's worth: today, I did not eat my resentments. I wrote and listened to a ballgame instead. And I found some quiet time. And I basked in it.
I vow to take better care of myself, and value the epiphanies leading to progress as they come.
Thanks for reading.