Saturday, April 13, 2013
I decided to make a part 3 based on some of the comments I got in part 2 (Thank you for those of you who did have the patience to read through those long posts and comment as well!)
I completely agree that a "flip" was needed. I have already implemented this in my life. I realized when I didnt die - that my dad is older and I would hate to never see him again if he would pass away having the relationship that we had then. So, I did exactly what you suggested - I call him just to see how his day went, I tell him that I love him and do not wait for a reply, etc.
My dad is not a bad person. In his culture, beating your children was a way of life and "love" was a foreign concept. You had a DUTY to your children, but you did not LOVE them. Very different things. It's amazing actually to look at the cultural differences between Americans and other cultures.
Anyways - I think I mentioned that I would not change my childhood if I was given a choice. My dad taught me so many valuable lessons (even though he may have taught them in inappropriate ways). I am who I am today, because of him. And many of his lessons were good ones. (Many were not). But I appreciate the fact that my dad felt that he had a duty towards his children, so I had a home, clothes, food, I NEVER had to worry about money, etc. We traveled A LOT and got to experience beautiful and crazy places both in and out of the United States (which is my fondest childhood memory actually).
My dad is not a bad person - he was raised differently and didnt realize that raising us in the United States with a different cultural undertone would cause significant problems. Keep in mind too, my mom comes from a different culture as well, so we had 3 different cultures intermingling - and that was the root of all of the problems.
I appreciate what I have in my life -
The comment about looking at the good things is 100% true. I actually have a jar in my house and everytime something good happens in my life, I write it on a little piece of paper and put it in the jar. Then when I am feeling sad or down, I can open the jar and appreciate the good things that have happened so far this year. On New Years Eve, I will have a whole jar of amazing things to read.
My husband is wonderful.
Even though money is tight, I have the essentials.
My mom and sisters and I are very close.
My dad and I are closer than we ever have been.
The purpose of this post was really to admit that with all that I have to be appreciate of... it was not letting go of the pain and hurt of my past, that was preventing me from reaching my ultimate weight loss goals.
It is hard to say that actually... out loud - but it is the truth. I know I can conquer these last 25 lbs if I remember that food has a facade. It feels like it has always been there, but garbage food is really just a temptation that in the end is poisoning my ultimate hopes and dreams.
Yesterday was also a flip point - a reminder that I have the strength to overcome these obstacles - I just have to CHOOSE to overcome them.
Thanks for the comments. :)