Saturday, April 13, 2013
There are subjects that I said I would not discuss but I feel the need to at this point. I am constantly being asked what I do or did to loose so much weight. I mean well it only took 40 years for me to figure out what it would take. For me it was a difficult process to over come . I mean i vested thousands and thousands of dollars into being thin and happy only to end up fat and miserable so what happened to make it click . I stopped trying to fit into a mold that the world would make me the way I wanted to be . I was sitting on that couch weighing 365 pounds and i thought if the rest hasnt work what will work. I decided to use my abilities that everyone said wouldnt work and see if I could make them work for me .. I am a great logical thinker, wonderful organizer and a terrific planner. but as good as these traits are there is one thing that i had to do to find my way to success.
The most expensive gift that i ever gave myself was a 3 dollar notebook. I had to come to terms with being fat. I had to accept all the things that had hurt me. I had to forgive those who were cruel . and for 28 days I poured it all out into a book. I laughed I cried i gave it all to that book and cleaned my soul of all the garbage that I was toting around. I had to stop letting people have power over my soul. I had to accept that being fat was just easier than it was to work to fix it. I had to let go of my excuses and learn to love myself enough to change what i did not like at all . I accepted that the world did not hate me nearly as much as i hated myself for what i had become. Only once I learned that i could love me at 365 pounds enough to want to be different then could I change the direction.
Using my own talents and knowledge I forged my own path . I cant tell you that there is some secret but I can tell you if you continue to lie to yourself there is no success. I am brutally honest with myself about what i do . I know when i give it my all and I know when Half a** it. I work hard at it and some times i just dont want to but in those moments that is when i make myself do it because i know what it took to get to this point right here right now. People say " i just want to be accepted for what i am right now " not me I dont really care any more if i am accepted or not because I accept that i am better than I was yesterday and know I will be even better tomorrow. I am still searching for the first hundred pound mark and i am still 8 pounds away but you know what ... I will get there but for right now I will enjoy the journey to that point because well after that 8 pounds there is still a whole other 100 pounds to go . It took me a lot of years to realize it isnt about a number it really is about how you feel right now at this moment and right now at this moment I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. So today just love yourself enough that you can stop searching for others to love only then will you know that they already do .