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My Suit of Armor


Thursday, April 11, 2013

I've been struggling...for about 26 years! I am about to turn 35 next month and I am frustrated that I am STILL dealing with my weight challenges.

You would have thought I would have gotten it by now. Well, unfortunately, weight loss isn't that easy! As many of us find out. It isn't our bellies we need to get right, it's our brains. Our thinking, followed by our actions (or lack thereof) is what our weight is determined by.

Now...I KNOW what healthy eating is. I KNOW how much my body needs to exercise. I KNOW I am addicted to sugar. I have PLANNED to eat healthy, I have PLANNED to exercise, even putting it on my calendar, and I have PLANNED to ease up on the sugar. But guess what?

I DON'T do it! If I did, I would be losing again instead of going up and down the same five pounds again, like I did the last two years.

So what gives? Why the heck am I doing this to myself?

Because it's...
...easy...
...a pattern...
...a long-term habit....
...fear...

Fear? Fear?! I have been heavy all of my life. I don't know what it is to be not fat. I know it sounds silly, but its fear that is driving that. I don't know HOW to be that healthy person... The person that doesn't make fun of herself first so others can't. The person who CAN go shopping with friends and buy clothes, not just jewelry. That person, that girl! I don't know how to be her. And, I think it scares the crud out of me.

And...I don't know how to be the girl that guys are attracted to...in fact, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to have a guy look at me for my looks. I know this sounds really silly, but it makes me feel very exposed, I might as well be naked. I think growing up, I developed fairly quickly and had attention from men, not the kind that you would really want, and I started gaining more weight. I know my weight is a suit of armor. And...I am afraid to take it off.

After having said all that...I know it's time.

It's time to...
...release this fear...
...accept and love myself...
...become healthy, not necessarily skinny...
...get my mind straight...

I started dieting at 9 years old and wasn't fat. I truly believe I gained weight because I learned how to "diet." I am going to be 35. It's time to get off this roller coaster.

Note to self: It's OKAY to be "Done Being the Fat Girl"! Other Done girls have done it, so can you!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FIRECOM 4/11/2013 11:13AM

    OUTSTANDING BLOG!! Zig Zeigler, one of my all-time favorite motivators said ...

To succeed, you don't have to want to, your have to WANT TO!!!

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